It’s the final Monday before SummerSlam, and that means RAW is going to do its best to hype up their WWE Championship match between John Cena and CM Punk… and maybe they’ll spend a little bit of time and effort to hype up some other things on the card as well, but unless your name is Beth Phoenix or Kelly Kelly, I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

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What am I looking forward to seeing tonight?

Is Zack Ryder going to make an appearance, or is he on Smackdown for good now? Could they possibly book him on four consecutive shows?

What of Dolph Ziggler and Rey Mysterio? I’ve heard rumors that one or both of them got injured, which is a shame when Ziggler was really starting to get his feud with Alex Riley rolling, and Rey Mysterio…. well… they always find something for Rey to do.

Can Alberto Del Rio find his way onto pay per view? It’s been a little while since he had something meaningful, and it seems like he’s got something started (or re-ignited, for you Smackdown fans) with Kofi Kingston.

That’s all the questions I’m thinking about right now, but I’m sure more will come up throughout the night. Without any further ado… let’s get down to the show!

He’s not a wrestler anymore, but apparently in his new role as COO-HHH, The Game is still “the most important” person on RAW, as he starts the show yet again.

Remember when I mentioned sarcasm? Check out that quote from the previous sentence. It’s not a great example, but it works.

So Triple H hypes up SummerSlam as being a landscape-changing event, and wants to ensure that at SummerSlam, we get an Undisputed WWE Champion (which I guess has nothing to do with having another Undisputed WORLD Champion, since they’re not involving Smackdown’s title holders), and so he’s going to have a special guest referee… someone who can be impartial and ensure that there’s a clear cut winner…

I’m smelling Stone Cold Steve Austin!

Unfortunately, COO-HHH didn’t name Austin the special guest referee… he decides to keep himself in the spotlight by naming HIMSELF the special guest referee for the Cena / Punk match.

Tonight, we get not only a contract signing (wooooo. notice a distinct lack of exclamation point?) but we also get a warm-up for each of those guys, and John Cena’s match comes up first.

If anyone caught the conversation between John Cena and COO-HHH before the match, I’d be interested to know what they said to one another.

Who’s John Cena’s opponent? Personally I’d pick Alberto Del Rio, or maybe Jack Swagger. They picked… the latter.

Match – Jack Swagger vs John Cena

Apparently WWE heard my request to want the audio between Cena and COO-HHH prior to the match, so they recapped it for us. Cena thinks it’s all about ego or The Game Master, who apparently isn’t going to make any mistakes this Sunday and it’s going to happen how he wants it to.

Jerry Lawler says that after Sunday, there will only be one WWE Champion… and that just further points out how lame the name of that championship belt is, because technically quite a few people are WWE champions, they hold the WWE US Championship, the WWE Tag Team Championships, the WWE Intercontinental Championship… and you get the idea.

Josh Mathews and Jim Ross are talking insanity, saying that Sunday’s match is the biggest in WWE history… and clearly they’re forgetting the whole “Undisputed Championship” tournament that Chris Jericho won several years ago. At the end of that match, there was ONE top championship in WWE, not two.

They mention that CM Punk is undoubtedly backstage watching this match… what are the odds that he’s sitting on the floor?

Ross and Lawler said that they’d know as well as anyone what kind of punishment Jack Swagger is able to dish out… but I’m wondering if their perspective is warped, since they don’t have anything to compare it to?

Given the way Jack Swagger has been “pushed” the past year or two, I’d say there are plenty of competitors who don’t know what kind of punishment Jack Swagger can dish out… because they didn’t have much trouble beating Jack Swagger.

Speaking of which…

Outcome – John Cena by pinfall after the Attitude Adjustment

Oh look, WWE is doing a poll about who the fans think will be leave with the WWE Championship at the end of SummerSlam. I think I’ll do the same.

What are the odds that R-Truth tracks down CM Punk backstage and talks about a conspiracy? John Cena gets to rest longer after his match tonight. Even if it’s just a half-hour, I bet R-Truth could find a conspiracy in it.

In a sign that CM Punk is getting the opportunity to cash in on his status as a partial fan favorite, his opponent for the night? Alberto Del Rio.

We get a fun little flashback to the night when R-Truth put John Morrison on the shelf with an injury the first time, and I’m thinking that R-Truth started hearing Little Jimmy because of how hard he hit the ground outside the ring when he hit his signature move.

For a guy who hates spiders, R-Truth’s hair is more arachnid-reminiscent than anyone else on the roster.

Match – Rey Mysterio vs The Mi…

Sneak attack by The Miz!

Rey is said to have an injury, and it looks like The Mis is going to be credited with causing it. Personally I really like the idea that these two could be feuding when Mysterio comes back from injury.

Looks like this match won’t be happening… but The Miz is headed to the ring anyway.

As a bonus, not only are they taking away what could’ve been a good match, but we get a Michael Cole interview with The Miz instead.

Yeah.

The Miz gets the mic and rambles on about how he should be the focus of SummerSlam, and yet he doesn’t currently have an opponent.

While The Miz had asked to be named winner of his match with Mysterio by forfeit, COO-HHH decides that The Miz will get a match…

Match – The Miz vs Kofi Kingston

Is it just me, or was Kofi Kingston’s Lou Thesz Press onto The Miz from the corner the worst Lou Thesz Press you’ve ever seen?

I realize he was wearing it for charity, but I’m glad Kofi is no longer wearing those Spider-Man styled ring attire gear. I’m not a fashionable guy, but those were just bad.

Outcome – The Miz wins via pinfall after the Skull Crushing Finale

The Miz would’ve been more likely to have worked his way into a SummerSlam match had he lost to Kofi Kingston by roll-up and then attacked Kofi after the match. Now he doesn’t have a feud all setup for the event like he could’ve.

Backstage, “Rear View” Josh Mathews sneaks up on CM Punk and gets an interview, and CM Punk calls out COO-HHH for needing the spotlight and being an attention whore going into SummerSlam by making himself the special guest referee.

Punk says he’s going to show Alberto Del Rio what would’ve happened at Money In The Bank if ADR had cashed in the briefcase title shot… which makes me think…

What if ADR were to get himself disqualified, then he knocks out Punk with a chair and/or the briefcase… maybe even hits him with a car… and then cashes in the briefcase title shot? Seems like a bunch of other guys in the past always wait for an opportune time to cash in their title shot… why not set one up for yourself?

Match – CM Punk vs Alberto Del Rio

Is it possible that Alberto is considered a good in-ring psychologist simply because he’s the only one with a submission move who actually does moves during the match to setup his finishing hold?

Makes me wonder how D.H. Smith could’ve done in WWE if he had a different finishing move and a more appropriate moveset, instead of being told he had to try to emulate his father’s moveset.

With all this talk of movesets, how awesome would it be if CM Punk finished the SummerSlam match by hitting the Pepsi Plunge on John Cena, with COO-HHH standing right there, being forced to count the three?

(if you don’t know what the Pepsi Plunge is, go check out YouTube)

Outcome – CM Punk beats Alberto Del Rio by pinfall with the Go2Sleep

We get a recap of the Diva’s angle from last week, so we know what type of match is coming next…

Match – Beth Phoenix vs Eve Torres

Is there any question who’s going to win this match?

A few minutes into the match, the announcers say that Beth Phoenix is dominating the match, and yet, how is that possible if she goes for a pinfall and only gets a 1 count?

Surprising to me, Eve Torres gets to make a comeback, actually getting in more offense… and it’s not until Beth Phoenix stops her from hitting a top-rope move that the match finally goes in Phoenix’s favor.

Outcome – Beth Phoenix wins by the Glam Slam

Beth Phoenix gets a mic after the match and talks about how there’s not going to be any more shenanigans like booty popping or splits or any other cutesie Diva stuff… and about 10% of the WWE Universe agree with her, and the rest of them either hate the idea of those things being removed from Diva’s competition… or they weren’t watching because they don’t like Diva’s wrestling.

Match – Dolph Ziggler vs Alex Riley

So… WWE is either missing out on an opportunity to have this match happen at SummerSlam, or this is going to have a dodgy ending. I’m guessing it’l be the latter.

After Alex Riley gives a lame diss about Vickie Guerrero’s breath, the match begins, and it’s things like that which make me tired of her being on television. Whether it’s her voice annoying me or the fact that it stops Dolph Ziggler from making a name for himself with his god-given skills, or whether it’s from someone else making lame comments about her, it seems like whatever she’s involved in ends up being something I’d rather not watch.

And… there’s the dodgy finish.

Outcome – Alex Riley gets the win by disqualification when Vickie Guerrero gets into the ring and slaps Riley. In front of the referee.

After the match, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero fight for a minute, and it looks like she’s one step closer to being removed as the manager for the United States champion.

In case you somehow just tuned into RAW tonight and haven’t been paying attention to RAW for weeks and you have no idea how we got two champions… WWE gives you a recap of what happened at Money In the Bank because they think someone with that little interest in WWE is going to consider buying the SummerSlam pay per view.

Woo.

Match – John Morrison vs R-Truth

Let me tell you, if this match doesn’t involve someone getting hit with a waterbottle, I’ll be disappointed. Talk about a wasted opportunity.

So the story in this one is that John Morrison is reckless, and despite being a lunatic, R-Truth is smart enough to attack Morrison’s neck and it pays off.

Outcome – R-Truth beats Morrison by pinfall

How does WWE decide to hype up the end of tonight’s show? They remind us how action packed and thrilling things are going to be… by showing John Laurinitis looking over contractual details with COO-HHH backstage.

Great. Makes me want to continue to stay up instead of going to bed early. We know how exciting and unique contract signings typically are.

Wait, Christian is in attendance? Apparently he has an announcement to make on Smackdown… and if he announces that his contract is ending and he’s taking the belt elsewhere, I’ll lose complete faith in WWE “Creative”.

Contract signing time… and apparently CM Punk decided not to wear pants, even though there’s no reason for him to continue to wear those ring gear brief tights.

Punk gets into the ring, and apparently he has decided not to sit down. What’re the chances he’s just upset because the table and chairs are blocking his usual in-ring seat (otherwise known as the mat in the middle of the ring)?

I still think a ladder match between Cena and Punk would’ve been awesome, and they could’ve lowered a cable from the rafters during this segment and hooked the belts to it and raised into the ceiling, stating that neither guy would get their belt back until one of them won the belts.

CM Punk grabs a mic and says they should cut right to the chase and flip over the table right now just like every other contract signing ever… but Punk has a better idea. He’s got a clip which explains how he feels about John Cena…

A clip from The Rock.

DWAYNE talks smack about John Cena, calling him bullshit… and this time it’s not live via satellite… it’s pre-taped and pulled from Facebook.

Punk agrees with DWAYNE that Cena’s a phony… but he also says that DWAYNE is a phony.

Cena takes the opportunity to turn this into The Rock vs John Cena… and unlike how The Miz handled things before Wrestlemania 27, CM Punk stops Cena from stammering on about how The Rock shouldn’t be upset about anything given how awesome his life is.

John Cena says CM Punk is wrong about him being a phony, because every day he just focuses on standing up for the fans who love him. Cena then calls CM Punk a phony… and COO-HHH calls Punk a phony too. They call him out for making contract demands and then called COO-HHH and the front office to get his new contract.

Punk turns it around on them, calling them phonies, citing them for just calling Harry Smith and Vlad Kozlov and Chris Masters on the phone to fire them.

They talk about analogies a few times during this segment… and one of the best ones I heard was when CM Punk mentions that John Cena is a lion, and CM Punk is a hyena. Cena gets everything he wants, but CM Punk has to fight for everything he gets. Nothing is handed to him, he has to scrape together everything he EARNS.

Brilliant.

Punk signs his contract, and then Cena gets on the mic and tells Punk to consider what happens if he can’t beat Cena at SummerSlam. He says that if Punk can’t make it happen at SummerSlam… he becomes a One Hit Wonder.

I guess Cena missed the memo about CM Punk having been a World Champion before.

Cena is tired of all the talk, and things devolve, the table gets thrown, the chairs moved out of the way, Cena’s hat gets thrown OUT of the ring… and then Punk aims a kick at Cena but hits John Laurinitis instead. Cena rushes in to hit CM Punk, but he knocks COO-HHH down instead.

Punk stands outside the ring and talks about a conspiracy about COO-HHH being on Cena’s side, looking to screw him at the pay per view. I wouldn’t be shocked if that was the case.

Keep checking back throughout the night, as this article will be updated periodically during the evening. As always, by the end of the evening this article will have the infamous polls!