It’s Monday Night, and I’m considering this to be the first real RAW following Extreme Rules! Last week, WWE celebrated The Rock on his birthday in his hometown (which I’ve been notified he’s leaving, as his house is on the market).

John Cena beat The Miz last week to retain his championship, so we still need to see who WWE is going to let step-up there. John Morrison is out, so it might be R-Truth… though they could go with Alberto Del Rio or The Miz and have R-Truth target the United States title instead.

What else is on the landscape as we head towards the next pay per view?

We have to be told what the next pay per view is.

Sure, I could go look it up, but why? The entire WWE Universe isn’t going to just go “look it up”, so I’ll wait around until WWE gives a damn enough about their next pay per view to make it a priority to promote it.

The one thing we did see last week was the beginnings of Mason Ryan making his departure from New Nexus, which feels like something of an echo for what’s going on with Smackdown with Zeke Jackson… though my readers tend to care about Mason Ryan and not so much with Zeke Jackson.

What’ll happen tonight is anyone’s guess, but the clock is counting down, and for most of you who aren’t reading this article live, the show has probably already started, so how about we get down to it, shall we?!

RAW gets off to a HUGE jumpstart, as we open with the focus set on Alberto Del Rio’s car, and the Superstar Of Destiny makes his way to ringside, along with his personal ring announcer.

For anyone who gets frustrated or confused when things aren’t the way they expect them, be prepared to watch RAW with a mirror next to your television, because the announce table is Camera-Side Left, the ramp is Camera-Side Right, and I’m getting dizzy already….

Care to guess what ADR had to say in the segment? Maybe he’s thinking that the #1 Contenders spot to John Cena’s belt should be put up to a vote from the fans, given the success of what happened on Smackdown…

Yeah… not so much.

But as ADR is in the midst of saying he deserves the shot, Rey Mysterio shows up, and immediately I’m thinking how interesting it would be to see John Cena vs Rey Mysterio in a meaningful pay per view main event.

Rey Mysterio thinks the true destiny of Alberto Del Rio is to one day be the personal ring announcer for Ricardo Rodriguez… and I almost laughed at that.

Mysterio also thinks that the #1 contendership should be decided between the two of them fighting tonight… and the first person to interrupt? You know it’s the former champion. I was hoping for Zack Ryder… but then I realized that he’s currently being ignored by the writers on Smackdown.

The Miz doesn’t believe what he’s hearing, and he asks “Really?!” about a dozen times before realizing that bad booking on Smackdown lead to ADR and 6-1-9 thinking that they could make demands like this. Though it doesn’t work like that, with two guys just saying they deserve a match for the #1 contender spot, The Miz fails to realize that he doesn’t deserve an immediate rematch.  ADR also fails to realize that The Miz losing to John Cena last week doesn’t put him to the BACK of the line. Would he really be behind Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre and R-Truth?

R-Truth shows up, no music to speak of, and he lets us know that John Morrison is in the hospital right now due to Truth’s actions last week. Apparently he doesn’t understand how an IV works, because he thinks he can get all the guys in the ring hooked up to the same IV that John Morrison is on. And in a visual that made me laugh, R-Truth says that the guys can also fight with John Morrison over a single bed pan.

R-Truth with the line of the month so far, as he says he sees an opportunity, he’s going to take it, and, I kid you not, “you kick my dog? I’m gonna kick your cat!”

The Anonymous General Manager is hoping that Yoshi Tatsu doesn’t show up, so he speaks up. He sees only three guys in the ring who deserve a shot at being #1 contender, so he’s making a triple threat for later in the evening, the winner going on to Over The Limit (the pay per view gets a name!): The Miz gets a shot… Alberto Del Rio gets a shot… and the third person, because of his win last week, is Rey Mysterio.

Is anyone else hoping that R-Truth beats the hell out of Mysterio so he can’t compete?

R-Truth throws a fit, since he considers himself to be better than all the guys in the ring… and even Ricardo Rodriguez disagrees with that, and we haven’t really even seen Ricardo wrestle in the WWE yet.

Rey Mysterio gets some balls and he gets into the face of R-Truth and says that he doesn’t think R-Truth deserves a spot either.

Was anyone else thinking that R-Truth should’ve challenged him to a match right then and there for Rey’s spot, doing to Rey what John Morrison did to him prior to Extreme Rules?

The Miz gets back on the mic and for the second time in the segment, makes a racially charged comment. The first one involved The Miz calling ADR a “fence jumper”… I’ll give him a pass for saying they should fight in a Taco Bell parking lot because that might be next door to that current arena… but then The Miz calls ADR and Mysterio “day laborers”, and it’s on like Donkey Kong, with folks going crazy and everyone retreating to some extent.

We get a reminder of what happened last week with kHARMa where she hit the implant buster on Maryse, which means it’s Diva time!

Diva Tag Team match – Kelly Kelly & Eve Torres vs The Bella Twins

Kelly Kelly continues to show improvement in the ring, and WWE again shows that when there’s a Diva tag match, there’s no need for one of the teams to get their second partner involved… and Eve Torres is the lucky one with the “stand there and be pretty” night of work. Oddly enough, it’s her team which gets the win.

Outcome – Kelly Kelly gets the pinfall as she reverses a small package

Just as you would’ve thought, kHARMa shows up, and she blows away my theory, as she doesn’t destroy the Bella Twins (I thought kHARMa was just focusing on the heel chicks, but not so much). The Bellas run away in time, and kHARMa gets into the ring anyway. Kelly Kelly runs, and Eve Torres tries to attack her… to no avail, as kHARMa just destroys her with a clotheslines and then the implant buster.

Backstage, Kane is walking through the corridor, and is anyone else thinking that if he would’ve been watching on the monitors, he might’ve found a potential new love interest?

Be honest, wouldn’t you love to see the love child of Kane and kHARMa?

It’s New Nexus time, and I can’t remember the last time we had an in-ring promo from CM Punk, which is one of his strong points. Instead, we’re getting a match involving Mason Ryan, who apparently is still in New Nexus despite leaving them at ringside last week after an in-ring brawl with Big Show and Kane.

Match – Mason Ryan vs Kane

Anyone want to bet that this one ends with a post-match scuffle?

They can sell us on Mason Ryan all they want, but I’m not going to take him totally seriously until he changes that week-away-from-No-Country-For-Old-Men hairstyle of his.

In what world does Big Show chase CM Punk around the ring and actually catch up to him?

Outcome – Kane wins by disqualification as Mike McGuillicutty and David Otunga rush the ring the moment CM Punk gets knocked out

In the aftermath, Big Show and Kane get the better of the ENTIRE New Nexus and collaborate on a double chokeslam which puts Mason Ryan on the arena floor

John Cena’s in attendance? That’s good to know, I figured maybe the champ of WWE’s flagship show might take a week off for the first time in his career (he was even there the week he was technically without a contract due to being “let go” by Wade Barrett)!

Match – Dolph Ziggler vs Santino Marella

So has Dolph’s stock fallen, or is Santino moving up towards the main event?

As a World Champion on the final night he was there, how badly is Dolph wishing he had never left Smackdown? How great would a Dolph Ziggler / Randy Orton feud have been? Or even Dolph Ziggler / Daniel Bryan… or even Dolph Ziggler vs Sheamus (with the Celtic Warrior having gone face)?

Santino starts to really build up an offense, so much so that he start to go for the Cobra, but Dolph gets back into the match with a high flipping dropkick, and then makes it elementary with the Zig-Zag.

Outcome – Dolph Ziggler gets the win by pinfall

We get reminded about the main event for tonight, and then it’s commercial time… and by commercial time I mean time to promote WWE’s latest movie!

Then, we get something after the actual commercials which WWE doesn’t typically do… they give us a recap of Smackdown!

Backstage, R-Truth gets interviewed, and apparently he thinks it’s a conspiracy that he’s not in the main event, and even though the fans apparently want him to start rapping and dancing again, he’s getting to the main event on his own terms, which doesn’t include using some of his God-given talents.

John Cena is getting psyched for his match with the help of Zack Ryder, who I honestly thought was on Smackdown now. Whatever John has in store, he got his adrenaline going thanks to some Woo Woo Fist Pumping Action!

Alex Riley gets yelled at by The Miz for last week’s debacle where Alex Riley inadvertantly let the referee know that The Miz used the World Title to knock out Cena.

Saying he’ll make it up to The Miz, Alex Riley makes the long trek out to the ring, requests a microphone, and without The Miz’s music, Alex Riley gets a DEAD reception from the crowd. Riley says he doesn’t care what the fans think, because he’s loyal to The Miz, and he wants to challenge John Cena to a match to prove his loyalty.

The crowd chants for Cena, and after Alex Riley takes out his Ruthless Aggression on the microphone, Cena takes some sympathy on the audio equipment and has his music hit before heading to the ring with a goofy grin on his face.

Match – John Cena vs Alex Riley

In the early goings, John Cena makes Riley look under-experienced, and Alex Riley gets in a few moves, but nothing significant. The announcers question if this would be the biggest win of Alex Riley’s career… and they’re failing to notice that this would be the high point in most competitors’ careers, not just a guy who is lucky to be carrying the jock strap of a guy who just recently became a main event mainstay.

The Miz starts walking the isle to get a better look, but Cena is undeterred, and he hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks on the STF to get the submission.

Outcome – John Cena wins by submission

Commercial break!

After the commercial, it’s Michael Cole in the ring, talking about how he’s at the pinnacle of his career and he’s retiring from in-ring competition.

Great, how about as an announcer?!

Cole assumes he’s going into the Hall Of Fame someday, and he wants to be as a competitor AND announcer… which brings Jerry Lawler into the ring.  Cole backs down, claims that Lawler is going to be fired if he touches Michael Cole, so Lawler goes the route of embarrassment and shows the Rock Bottom from last week.

Lawler says that it would be the apocalypse if Cole ever got into the Hall Of Fame… though he could potentially see it happening if Cole could beat Lawler in another match. If Cole beats Lawler again, not only would Lawler be willing to induct Cole, but he’d also give Cole Lawler’s Hall Of Fame ring.

Are they really taking a page out of TNA Wrestling’s playbook where they’re putting Hall Of Fame rings on the line?

Cole declines the match, then goes into his magic bubble and rambles on and pokes fun at the crowd for something that happened 10 years ago (Al Gore losing to George W Bush… since Gore is apparently a Tennessee resident), and something that happened dozens of years ago (Elvis dying on the toilet).

Cole talks about his Mother’s Day, how he spent it with his mom watching the tape from Wrestlemania where he beat Lawler. Cole then brings up the fact that Lawler’s mom is dead… and I really wish someone would just take Cole off of television.

Lawler tries to get his hands on Cole, but Jack Swagger shows up and knocks out Lawler, and this feud is essentially in the same spot it was two months ago. Congrats, WWE, nice work.

United States Championship Match – Kofi Kingston vs Jack Swagger

Oh good, it’s a replay from Smackdown about six months ago!

Actually, I’m wrong, this isn’t what happened six months ago on Smackdown. Back then, there wasn’t an annoying announcer making the match almost unwatchable!

Swagger works the ankle throughout the match, including a spot where Kofi is over the top rope and Swagger locks on the ankle lock. Then Kofi gets thrown across the ring and shows that his ankle is in a bad way.

Then Lawler shows up, stands on the entrance stage, and that’s enough of a distraction for Kofi Kingston to hit his Trouble In Paradise finisher and get the pinfall.

Outcome – Kofi pins Swagger for the win, retaining his championship

Lawler runs to the ring, throws Swagger into the crowd, then goes for the attack on Michael Cole. As he can’t get into the magic bubble cube, Lawler grabs Cole by the tie, obviously not learning from Daniel Bryan’s mistake, and starts pulling Cole head-first into the wall of the magic bubble cube repeatedly and then chokes him with it.

Swagger laughs, saying that Lawler is going to be fired, but apparently he never put his hands on Lawler, so he’s not getting fired. Swagger then tells Lawler that he’s in trouble for a different reason, because he accepts the pay per view match on behalf of Michael Cole.

Next up? Main event time!

#1 Contenders Match – Alberto del Rio vs Rey Mysterio vs The Miz

Who do I have to think fo Alberto Del Rio’s entrance happening during the commercial? I didn’t send my mom anything for Mother’s Day, but I’d send that decision maker a fruit basket.

With all the action in these triple-threat matches, why doesn’t WWE do them more frequently? They’re good for building new rivalries and they keep the action non-stop and we get to see new, innovative moves (like the typical corner clothesline from The Miz which also caught Alberto Del Rio with a kick mid-move).

Does anyone else notice that Rey Mysterio has the RAW logo on his attire in two spots? what’s next, a Quaker State logo for R-Truth?

CM Punk has dibs on PEPSI, though knowing WWE, they’d probably tag him with Dr Pepper.

Commercial time! Then we’ll get back to the action!

Did you notice that some of the polls have been added? Check it out!

Did Jerry Lawler just refer to fans of The Miz as Miz-cuits (pronounced like Biscuits)?

Is anyone else hoping for “anyone but The Miz” here?

Why is it that The Miz seems like the most likely option?

Alex Riley comes to the ring, trying to help The Miz outside the ring, and I’m thinking that Alex Riley is going to cost The Miz the match.

Rey Mysterio in full control, he hits the 6-1-9, he knocks The Miz off the apron, he goes for his finisher… but Alex Riley pulls Alberto Del Rio out of the ring and The Miz steals another one…

Outcome – The Miz wins by pinfall

I understand that this helps give The Miz more heat, but do we REALLY need to see ANOTHER match between The Miz and John Cena? This will be the third month in a row, and there’s really no reason to need to have that happen…

John Cena’s music hits before the show ends, and he has a microphone…

The Champ is HERE… to congratulate The Miz for winning… and he’s announcing the stipulations for Over The Limit… it’s an I QUIT match.

Sucks for The Miz, because John Cena CLEARLY wears a “Never Give Up” shirt.

Oh! We end the night on a very interesting note, as R-Truth gets into the ring and plants Rey Mysterio with his fallaway STO move, knocking Mysterio out. Works for me, as this means we aren’t going to see another round of Mysterio vs ADR, and R-Truth gets his opportunity to potentially shine… or flame out.

This article will be updated throughout the night. By the end of the night, there will be a half-dozen or more of the world-famous polls.

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