Maybe I’ll turn this into a March Madness style tournament at some point this month and use these rankings as the seeding, but for now, this list is in celebration of MARIO DAY, MAR10, otherwise known as MARch 10th. Disagree with the list? That’s fine, let us know.

To start things off, I’m just going to say that Mario and Luigi are both #1 on this list. I’m not picking one of them ahead of the other because that’s not possible. Mario gets a lot of the spotlight, but Luigi has been there every step of the way for his brother and doesn’t get the respect he deserves.

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Here’s the rest of the list, starting from the bottom:

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Donkey Kong

What does this guy do other than sit back and throw things at people? When he started out and was throwing flaming barrels down ramps at Mario, that was kinda cool. But even as it was apparent that a hammer-weilding plumber wasn’t going to be slowed by DK’s attacks, what did he do? He just stood there and waited. And don’t get me started on the fact that throwing those banana peels simply equates to his laziness because he won’t just put them in the trash can.

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Bowser Jr

Talk about nepotism. What does Bowser Jr even do? Takes up valuable space that could go to some more deserving characters. In fact, I can think of SEVEN characters who are related to Bowser who are far more deserving of spots in games than Bowser Jr. If you’ve played Super Mario 3, you know who I’m talking about…

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It’s arguable where each of those progeny deserve to be on the list, but I’m absolutely certain that they deserve to be ahead of Bowser Jr.

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Bullet Bill

This guy’s dangerous, but it’s not really because of anything he’s doing. Someone else aims him and fires, and all he does is to let momentum do the rest. Certainly a formidable foe, but whoever’s pulling the trigger is the one who should get more of the credit.

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Koopa Troopa

Whether this guy is walking, hopping or flying, he can put a speedbump in your plans. And when you attempt to make short work of him, then you find yourself having to deal with the shell he left behind. Knock it in the wrong direction and you can find it zooming back in your direction. And then there’s the matter of the danger these guys and their shells of various colors pose in Mario Kart.

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Shy Guy

He might not be all that dangerous, but how bad ass does he look in that mask?

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Donkey Kong Jr

Probably less dangerous than his dad, but you have to respect his resolve. That’s a fairly big shadow for him to try to fight out of, but at the end of the day, aren’t his antics essentially just the same lazy things that his dad is doing with those banana peels?

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Birdo

There’s a certain amount of respect you have to give Birdo because of how crazy she is. If she’s willing to throw her eggs at you in hopes of ¬†getting the advantage, that says something about her mental state. Half the time those eggs are ineffective, which is why she’s not higher on the list.

King Boo

Sure, he’s big and scary, but all it takes to get him to stop is to look in his direction. It’s a shame, really. he has soo much potential.

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Despite being confined to pipes, Petey tries his hardest to do as much damage as possible. Half the time you don’t even know he’s there until it’s too late.

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Renzor

A dinosaur-looking creature which travels in packs and can spit fire? You’ve got my attention.

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This guy has put his evil ways behind him in favor of being the grandmaster of kart races, but back in the day when he would float around and throw spiny creatures down onto Mario and Luigi, he was a force to be dealt with. Even if you dispatch him with an expertly thrown (or lucky) turtle shell, he’s coming back. It’s only a matter of time.

Wart

Is this guy real, or is he just a figment of Mario’s imagination during a dream he had? It says a lot that this guy doesn’t ever show up elsewhere despite being the ultimate bad guy in Super Mario Bros 2.

Princess Peach and Princess Daisy

What do these ladies do, other than get caught by Bowser? Sure, they’re willing to play games and race karts when they’re not being held captive, and they are royalty, but they don’t deserve to be any higher on this list.

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Bob-omb

Wind him up, watch him go, but you better look out because you know it’s only a matter of time before he’s gonna blow.

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Mouser

The only reason that the mouse who wears sunglasses and throws bombs isn’t higher on the list is because he only showed up a couples times throughout the years. If he were to be a playable character in Mario Kart, I’d rarely race with anyone else.

Toad

He’s helpful at delivering messages, and is a decent race kart driver, but that’s about all Toad seems good for until recently, and that’s not worth moving him any further up on this list, given some of the great characters which follow.

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Yoshi

As a dinosaur who’s willing to give Mario a ride, he wouldn’t deserve this spot on the list. Given that Yoshi comes in all different colors, each with its own special ability (including breathing fire and sprouting wings), he takes another step up on the bad ass list.

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The Hammer Bros

How many times did you have to restart a level because these guys were throwing hammers at you and jumping around randomly or launching boomerangs in your direction? Countless.

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Kamek the Wand Guy

He does magic that can not only hurt Mario & Luigi, but it can transform blocks and allows him to disappear. That’s bad ass, and I’m surprised he doesn’t show up more frequently.

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Waluigi

He’s a dangerous guy, he’s entertaining, but he’s not nearly as dangerous as Wario or Bowser. Waluigi’s penchant for throwing bombs while sitting in the back of a race kart is still really awesome.

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Bowser

He doesn’t seem to have a lot of trouble capturing princesses. He has countless minions willing to stand in the way of those who would oppose him. Bowser’s castles are setup with great defenses, and then when you reach him, he’s strong, he can jump, and he breathes fire. He’s badass and certainly not someone to be taken lightly. He does have a habit of setting up ways for his opponent to defeat him, like bridges that can easily be destroyed and wind-up dragons that can be thrown back at him.

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Wario

He’s dangerous, he’s power hungry, he’s devious and he’s funny. Find me someone who doesn’t laugh as Wario starts mouthing off after he beats them.