3 Hour Tour: So it’s a special 3 hour edition of RAW, which is a 50% increase over the regular episode. Which means there will be 50% more drama, 50% more promos and unfortunately %50 more Michael Cole. Hopefully they actually do The Michael Cole Challenge and he loses and quits. Oh and The Rock is here live, not via satellite. So there should be 50% more entertainment and electrifying-ness.
Speak Of The Devil: The show opens with Cole? This could be either very good or very bad. There was a sign in the crowd that said ‘Stop Bullying JR’ and what would make that sign more ironic is if Cole was in those Be A Star commercials. But of course that would cause a rift in the space-time continuum, among other things. So So JR beats Cole in arm wrestling and then surprisingly a dance competition. Last up is ‘Who Weighs Less’ and I thought that had moved away from the whole weight thing after Vickie was the butt of a few fat jokes. So Cole weighs in at 200 lbs with JR at 239 and Cole declares himself the overall winner. However…
May I Have Your Attention, Please?: CM Punk comes out! Punk proceeds to trash Cole in typical fashion, pointing out the painfully obvious in saying JR is a better announcer. Much like during the shoot promo, Punk gives voice to alot of IWC complaints, this time in relation to Michael Cole. The things Punk says about Cole are what every WWE fan says when they bring up Michael Cole. Not to be outdone, Funkman comes out and about 27 seconds later gets a ‘Screw You’ from Punk. Which results in him booking a Challengers vs Champions match of Punk-Show vs Del Rio-Henry. Cole then gets in Punk’s face and gets locked in the Anaconda Vice for his trouble. I was at least hoping we’d get some resolution to the Cole-JR ‘feud’.
Half Tag Match: Well it’s Kofi teaming up not with Evan, but with Sin Cara. I wonder if they’ll mention Bourne’s abscence at all? They draw Hunico and a maskless Cody Rhodes. So the breaking of the mask during the Street Fight wasn’t just symbolic. It’ll be interesting going forward since we’ve been seeing Cody wearing the mask for the last 9 months or so. He looks like he did during his ‘Dashing’ phase. The mask defined who he was for so long that he looks a bit generic right now. So JR stayed on for commentary after Cole’s ‘injury’ and the enjoyability went up by a factor of 500. Maskless Rhodes hits Cross Rhodes for the win. Certainly a good way to start off this new ‘era’ if you will in Rhodes’ career.
#Heel: Vickie is about to announce Dolph as Christian’s replacement on Team Barrett, but is interrupted by Dolph himself who makes the announcement. Interesting bit there that they’d try to tease some dissension between the two. The promo has a bit of the feel of the ones he cuts on Ryder’s YouTube show. Funkman comes to kick out JR and put Cole back in and I died some more inside. Ugh, utterly disappointing and the show quality goes back down the drain. It doesn’t even matter that Ziggler loses to Mason Ryan by DQ when Vickie slaps Ryan, I’m just too disgusted with Cole being back.
Have A Nice Day: Mick Foley is back! That takes away some of the sting of the Cole fiasco. Foley is glad to be back and so would I if I were leaving TNA. I can see the parallels between Rock-Cena and the Rock n Sock Connection in that two huge stars team up. Of course, Foley and Rock got along alot more then Cena and Rock do. Foley asks Cena to come out and basically spends a few minutes praising Cena. Which is surprising and Foley gets booed alot for it. My worst fears came true and Foley goes into a ‘This Is Your Life’ segment for Cena. The whole Cole thing and now this? I don’t even know what to say. It’s just…horrible. I’m tempted just to fast forward through this whole segment. At least Cena looks awkward and uncomfortable. Thank the Lord, The Rock comes out to put an end to all this. By put an end to it I mean come out and Rock Bottom Foley and then leave again.
Survivor Tune Up Series: Continuing the series of matches pitting members of Team Orton against Team Barrett, it’s Sheamus taking on Jack Swagger. I actually think Swagger has been one of the most underutilized talents on the roster. We all know he has the amateur mat skills to succeed to go along with decent mic skills. Yes his WHC reign was a disaster but they also tried to make him too much like Kurt Angle instead of letting him be his own guy. I don’t think he’ll ever going to be more then a borderline jobber who gets moments in the spotlight.
Divas: I honestly can’t come up with anything witty for the title, but I hope Natalya doesn’t lose again. Kelly is going for the cheap pop, or lack of by the sound of it, by wearing a Pats jersey. I actually agree with Cole when he calls Kelly a suck up. I know Kelly has the model-Barbie look and that’s why she’s getting pushed like thus, but Natalya is a far better choice. We all know she’s better in the ring, she’s much better looking in my opinion, which makes it a shame the way she’s being portrayed. What’s even more of a shame is that I got my hopes when Natalya was applying the Sharpshooter, only for Kelly to roll her up for the win. This continues to be an extremely disappointing RAW.
Champions v Challengers: Alberto is on the cover of the latest issue of Hombre Magazine, which is a bilingual lifestyle magazine as Cole says. Interesting that they’d take away any of the magazine-cover spotlight off of their girl Kelly Kelly. Mark Henry has a shirt now? You know a push is official when a new shirt comes out. Punk was attacked by Del Rio in the back before the match, so I’m sure that’ll play a part in this match and the WWE Title match on Sunday. When it was first announced that Punk and Show would be teaming up, I immediately thought of their ‘feud’ last year. I used quotation marks because it was really show buring Punk and the SES. Punk gets tagged in and goes to town on Del Rio, even doing his best Stone Cold impersonation and stomping some mudholes into Alberto. Of course Cole spends most of the match talking about himself and how he was ‘viciously’ attacked earlier. At one point Punk goes up top for a move against Del Rio, but Alberto is pushed out of the way by Henry who catches a leaping Punk for a WSS. Del Rio picks up the pieces by pinning Punk and furthering the ‘injury’ component of the title match.
Comedy Time?: That’s what I thought at first when Santino came out, but then he’s interrupted by Kevin Nash. Apparently Nash is one of Santino’s biggest fans and he shows it by booting him in the face. Tough love I guess. Even more tough love after that Jackknife Powerbomb. No really point to the segment other then for Nash to reiterate how much his feelings were hurt when HHH didn’t sign him to a contract.
O Captains! My Captains: So it’s a Orton-Barrett rematch and I’m assuming its another main event since they still have Rock speaking lined up for later. The Brit comes out with his SS team and so does Orton. This pretty much means that the match won’t end pretty. They’ll go at it for a bit, but everyone rushes the ring, chaos ensues and one team will stand tall. The match actually goes for longer then I would have thought before order falls apart. Rhodes jumps Orton as he’s setting up for the RKO, but after clearing everyone out Team Orton does stand tall as Team Barrett retreats.
FINALLY: THE ROCK HAS COME BACK…TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW! Wasn’t he here just a bit ago to Rock Bottom Foley? Or for that matter a couple of months ago? Anyways, there is real no need for me to recap what he says as it all speaks for itself. I will say I like how Rock never even so much as glanced at Cena when Superman insulted him or when he shot right back. Their trash talking is practically overshadowing the fact that Miz and Truth are in the ring, just like the hype hasn’t been about the actual match but about how well Rock and Cena work as a team. At least Miz’s excellent mic skills are on display. The show ends in a predictable fashion with the faces on top. Cena was going for the AA on Miz, but Rock took him and delivered a Rock Bottom. The look on Cena’s face was priceless. Perhaps a sign of the mythical Cena heel turn?
