#shockingrelevations: With Cena not being on RAW at all last week, were you expecting him to come back with something new? Well you’re ‘shockingly’ disappointed as he yet again opens the show, being interviewed in-ring by Michael Cole, who’s always good for heat, though I’m sure some males would cheer him instead of Cena. To recap Cena’s tirade consists of a My Little Pony joke, calling Laurinaitis a bully, cracking a fat joke on Big Show and bickering with Cole. So basically nothing new, and the only thing that would help you date any Cena promo is the color of shirt he wears. Thankfully Johnny shows up on his fashionable scooter and being the fair man that he is, allows Cena to pick his opponent. Cena picks….Cole!?!? I’ve lost almost all interest in RAW tonight. But wait! Imagine how it’ll be when they go for three hours every week! I wonder if Vince has some diabolical plan to destroy the company on purpose.
#mailingitin: That’s what Creative is doing with this Sheamus-Ziggler non title match, which itself is a rematch from last week’s Smackdown. It does give Dolph a chance to prove himself against the big guys, but then again he’s proven himself over and over again. As I said above, I shudder to think how Creative will handle an extra hour of RAW. Sheamus does get the win, giving him momentum going into his match against Del Rio. Speaking of Alberto, he couldn’t let The Pale One bask in the victory and attacks him on the stage after the match, making sure he’s the one that stands tall at the end.
#remasked: So Sin Cara is back with a new red color scheme and faces his old foe Hunico. A few big moves later and Sin Cara Rojo is victorious. Remember back when Hunico was the Fake Cara and the whole storyline that led up to the Mask vs Mask match in Mexico City? That was an intriguing and enjoyable lower mid-card storyline. See Creative, you can do good things from time to time.
#breaktime: Usually the bathroom break match is a Divas one, but it gets put in early in the form of yet another Ryback squash of two random dudes. Same type of power moves and same Goldberg chants from the crowd. Moving on.
#mustbeawinner: So after the somewhat confusing decision to add Kane to the Punk-Bryan title match, we get a semi-main event of Punk vs Kane where there ‘must be a winner’. This usually means there won’t be, because when WWE telegraphs something, there’s a 90% chance the opposite will happen. This particular one falls into that other 10% in that Kane gets a clean win overt he champ in what was a surprisingly decent match that could bode well for No Way Out. I know Kane is nearing the end of his career, but he can still put on a solid match when called upon. Of course, borderline-deranged AJ was there to flash a smile at Kane and come on to Josh Mathews in the back. Curiouser and curiouser.
#revisionisthistory: So it seems Kofi and Truth are patched and ready to go after they got brutally beat down by Show last week. It would have been easy for them to stay away for a week to sell the beating. It’s not like the Tag champs are important or anything. They beat Curt Hawkins and Tyler Hawkins in a few minutes. I’m sure those two are are thrilled to be on TV on who knows how long. Oh and Cole has been freaking out this whole time about his match with Cena.
#baitandswitch: Cole is at his wit’s end when Johnny Scooter comes out and says Cena will face Cole only if….he can beat Tensai. Well that was anti-climatic. Cole provides some comedic gold by doing a little dance ringside. Tensai beats down on Cena, who fights back against big odds. Lather, rinse, repeat, yawn. It’s no surprise that Cena got the win, but Cole did have that ‘wtf’ look on his face. I’m not even going to talk about their match because it was practically a repeat of Cena-Laurinaitis at Over The Limit. I actually couldn’t wait for it to end, since it was so uninteresting. I’m more looking forward to the return of Vinnie Mac next week, because he’s always good for a good promo or two.
