#selfpromotion: So its time for the Slammys, that time of the year where WWE does nothing but tell you how great they are. Not that they don’t do that already, but now they have little gold statues to show it. Since they’ve started using Twitter way too much that can only mean Slammy will trending worldwide the entire night and Michael Cole will remind us of the fact 42 times throughout the show. Speaking of Michael, I’m surprised he doesn’t have his Slammys all set up right in front of him at the announce table. Humility? I thought Cole didn’t know the meaning of the word.

#suckaaaaaa: What’s even worse is the absurd names they give to the awards, like the ‘did not just see that’ one Booker is out to present. However, one of the most surreal moments of the year is Hornswoggle actually being able to talk, that should have been in the running for this award. So JR won? I really thought Miz should’ve gotten it since his impersonation of the The Rock was pure gold. But of course the only reason JR won was so Cole could interrupt and run his mouth. A JR-Cole rapoff? Oh please no, anything but that. I might just fast forward through the whole thing to save what’s left of my sanity. On a side note, I believe I was a guy in the crowd wearing an ROH shirt. Interesting that WWE hasn’t confiscated it or thrown the guy out.

#holy%@&: Next up is the ‘Hole S—‘ moment of the year and its always good to see The Million Dollar Man and hear that signature laugh. Foley is the perfect guy to co-present the award with DiBiase, as most of his career contains moments that could have been nominated. As impressive as Bourne’s AirBourne at MITB was, no question Show and Henry collapsing the ring was the winner. Cue Show using the acceptance speech slot to cut a promo against Mark Henry. At least he as a match because we’re half an hour into the show without any in ring action. He does have to withstand the Barrett Barrage though. Not a very big one since the match only lasts for a minute or two. Thankfully, we can get back to what really matters.

#ohyoudidntknow: Road Dogg is presenting?! How awesome is that? He had one of the better entrances of the Attitude Era. He still has it in terms of skills on the mic and rhymed more then Cole or JR did earlier. The award is called ‘Pipebomb of the Year’? They might as well have put Punk’s name in the actual award title. He does make up for it by bringing out a mannequin and likening it to J-Funk, along with showing an excellent tribute video to the former Mr Ace. Not only is Punk excellent on the mic, but his use of props in this promo really shows his range.

#divalicious?: Divalicious moment of the Year? What does that even mean? Natalya’s double Sharpshooter should win, but of course Kelly Kelly will win because she’s the poster girl. Beth’s top rope Slam Slam on Eve was pretty sweet too and Kharma being nominated was probably just to remind the audience that she exists. That clip of her assaulting Michelle McCool just makes you wonder what state the Divas division would be in now if she was still around. At least Kelly’s lame teary acceptance was interrupted by Beth and Natalya.

#iamsoconfused: An award for an OMG Moment? Isn’t this the same as the Holy S— one? At least it gives Santino a chance to rip on The Bellas for being fame-chasers. CM Punk has to win for beating Cena at MITB because it was truly a shocker. For some reason it is HHH who wins for Tombstoning Taker at Wrestlemania. This only proves my theory that they don’t give out these awards to the most deserving, but only to further current storylines. Don’t get me wrong, it was a sweet moment, but not as impactful as Punk’s win. You figured H had to show up tonight in order to get any kind of build for his match against Nash this Sunday.

#alwaystrending: I knew this was coming, an award based on who trends the most on Twitter. David Otunga is out because we know he never trends on Twitter. In fact, I’m positive his travel mug trends more then he does. His co-presenter Tony Atlas laughing at Otunga while he’s trying to be serious is a microcosm for how the fans view Mr Harvard. At least we’ll get another match since all 4 nominees will be in a Fatal 4 Way, with the winner announced after the match. Though it’s not exactly sure how they will determined. As with the Pipebomb award, this one was tailor made for Zack Ryder. Instead he’ll be competing against fellow nominees Ziggler, Rhodes and Bryan. The match follows predictable multi man match fashion as one more guys are outside while the others battle inside the ring. There was a pretty awesome exchange between Bryan and Rhodes with a string of roll up pin counters that goes on for like 15 seconds. Bryan’s rapid fire kicks to Rhodes in the corner was another great spot as were the near simultaneous Superplexes moments later. It doesn’t stop there, with Ryder going for his Rough Ryder on Cody who counters by tossing him into Ziggler to complete Ryder’s finisher. Ziggler picks up the win after avoiding a Bryan kick and finishing him off with a Zig Zag. Wow that was a great match. Plenty of back and forth action with each guy getting big spots. Predictably, Ziggler wins the actual award and is congratulated by Ziggler in the form of another Zig Zag.

#onemorematch: Christian is out to present Gamechanger of The Year award, but not before awarding himself with a Courgeous moment of the year award. Thankfully he pleads for One More Match, as I’m sure we’ve all missed his whining. Why isn’t Punk nominated for this award? If anyone changed the game and the landscape of the WWE it was Punk. But this is not a just world and the award goes to Cena & Rock. Yet another ‘win’ that furthers a storyline. Cena’s fake out of introducing The Rock makes up for it. He does a further fake out when introducing Rock’s ‘signature’ pre-taped via satelitte message. Actually funny and definitely something a heel would do, which means they might actually be serious about a Cena heel turn. Or at least serious about teasing such a heel turn.

#tlcpreview: It’s Punk-Orton vs Miz-Del Rio in the almost cliche tag team match the week before a PPV so as many of the wrestlers one the card can get some time on TV. I was just wondering if Punk and Orton’s past together would be mentioned since they’re teaming up and Cole shockingly actually does mention it. Shocking because they usually ignore these kind of things. People like to rag on Miz for his mediocre in ring skills, but he is improving and adding moves that aren’t punches, kicks or clotheslines. Case in point, the DDT he delivers to a kneeling opponent which he sells so well. Give him some time and he could silence some of his critics. The match itself is decent, not as good as the Fatal 4 Way, but still had its moments. Barrett does his expected run-in by hoping the barrier and pulling Orton off of the ring apron. Now we have all our TLC participants on Sunday in the ring. Punk goes for the GTS on Miz, but Miz counters into a SCF for the win. As a final note, I’d like to add how awesomeness of Punk signaling for the GTS. It gets the crowd even more into his matches, plus how often do you hear ‘It’s naptime!’ during a wrestling match?

#goldustisback: The award is A-Lister of the Year, but Goldust is a presenter? It’s a good thing he’s back, because it isn’t the same without him and his deep-breath-and-bite thing. The Muppets should have won the award instead of Snooki, if only for the level of entertainment and nostalgia they brought back.

#booyakabooyaka: Rey is the one who will present Superstar of The Year and it’s good to see him back even though he’s still recovering from his injury. It’s like what they did last year when Christian came back even though he was still sidelined. I swear if Punk doesn’t win this award, I will become violently ill and might not be able to finish this article. Thankfuly he does, but it’s J-Funk who comes out, not so subtlely pushes Rey out of the way and accepts the award on Punk’s behalf.

#bigfinale: So we come to the main event of Henry taking on Cena and we all know this won’t be a technical showcase. As Henry was shown backstage walking to the ring, another of those 1/2/2012 videos interrupted and featured more apocalyptic talk as well as two creepy kids instead of one. Despite what everyone says about Cena, he sure can sell in the ring. Twice he tried to hoist Henry on his shoulders, but collapsed under the weight, showing the effects of those efforts in a very believable way. After Henry catches Cena in a WSS, the camera pans to show the stage in the background, which is a dead giveaway that someone will come out. So it’s no surprise that someone actually does come out, but the shocking part is that it’s Kane! After his signature pyro, the arena goes black and Kane shows up on the stage featuring a goalie type mask as well as long hair. Henry smartly gets out the ring, leaving Cena to get chokeslammed by The Big Red Monster. RAW goes off the air as Kane takes off the mask, but is wearing his old one under it! A good finish, but then again any finish that doesn’t include Cena standing tall is a good finish.