Regardless of whether or not you’re entertained by the on-field antics of Chad Ochocinco (nee Johnson), he’s not a bad guy. His talking and celebrations and theatrics are all part of the fact that he’s just as much an entertainer as he is a professional athlete. With the many recent arrests this post season with players from various sports getting in trouble with the law, more of them could take a page out of Ochocinco’s playbook, and that seems to be the same concept he had.

It’s unfortunate that a lot of my peers have been getting into some serious trouble this off-season. What is it like 28 now? I have lost count. Thus, I figured I would share with you the 6 AFC and NFC acronyms I use to stay out of trouble. Excuse the Ebonics by the way, it is a more fun way to really express how I feel about this.

Through his six acronyms, named for the two NFL Conferences, Chad lists the rules he has lived by which help keep him out of trouble off the field.



So you want to get wasted. The dumbest –ish you can do in 2012 is publicly party like it is 99. Mofos in the club will be live tweeting your buffoonery for the world to see. You are in the NFL, making millions and you got a mansion. Bring the party home dammit.

That’s not even to mention the high mark-up the players pay for with bottle service. There’s no need to show off, either. People know that NFL players make bankrolls of money, what’s the point in proving it to strangers who are just going to be jealous because they’re not invited into the VIP section?


No need anymore. We out the hood now. Get a bodyguard if you are still that paranoid.

How many players get into legal troubles because they’ve got a gun on them? Without the right paperwork, that’s looking at some serious jail time, and that’s not even to mention what happens when tensions flare and a gun is involved.


“A Crew is not needed. Just ask Drake and Chris Brown. Roll solo, it will save you money and trouble.

Does Tony Parker need to lose an eye before somebody realizes the truth in this? How many former athletes and entertainers go broke because they’re supporting a huge group of people?


No man.

Deion Sanders taught me this. You badly need a no man. Someone that tells you what you don’t want to hear like

“Are you really finna smoke, drink and of all the cars you got, you gonna drive the Ferrari to the club tonight and carry your gun with you?  C’mon fooool, you gonna be on the next flight to go see Goodell”

Keep your NO man closer and yes men farther.”

This is the one which is likely to be the hardest, no matter who you are, but it’s probably also the most valuable piece of advice.


“You are famous and there are people that will hate and test you. You can’t deal with it the way you would when you were in the hood.  You need to just fallback.”

Need to uphold a reputation? How about having a reputation for being a great football player. That should be enough. Anybody who has a bad run-in with a football player is likely to be biased in their opinion anyway, so what does it matter what they think? Anyone who might listen to them is probably going to forget about all that once the next game is on.


“Be careful of chicks and groupies. Those consenting smiles are sometimes fake. Sooner or later you might be defending yourself in a frivolous sexual assault case as she tries to stick you for your paper. Yes, some of these women “Stay Schemin”. There is a simple solution. The iPhone has an HD camera now.  Make sex tapes all the time. It will make great memories and save you trouble.”

Gotta love it. Now I just have to wonder how many rumored sex tapes are going to be popping up involving Ochocinco, and how many ladies might have something to say about whether or not they think Ocho or another athlete illegally video taped them without their consent. This one’s funny, and it will probably prove effective, but there’s also a dangerous component to it.

After that write-up, Ochocinco left a parting encouragement, reminding his fellow NFL players that if they don’t abide by those acronyms, they’re more likely to get a meeting request from Roger Goodell.

Here’s a link to the original article from Ochocinco’s personal site.