Boy Meets Skag: A Love Story (Borderlands Review)

Let me preface this by saying I’m in incredibly casual gamer. How casual you ask? I bought Madden 10 a week or so after it was released. I played a couple practice games. Started a season. And i STILL haven’t finished it. I’ve even simmed 3 games. So… yeah. If you want the opinion of someone who is the farthest thing from an expert?

Welcome, friends!

Today I come to you to talk about Borderlands. I picked this up because the commercials were really really good. Plus it had good word of mouth. If you want the shortest review and miss out on all the good times contained in the rest of this review of utter awesome-ocity …. here goes.

*cracks knuckles*

Buy this shit!

It is easily one of the most funnest (that’s right I said most funnest) games I’ve played. Its insanely addictive. And what’s better than going out into Pandora (land Borderland’s story plays out in) and hunting for some sloppy sloppy skags? (not much) ¬† ¬†Also with skags, raaks, and crabs in the game the double entendre’s can fly as freely as the bullets.

The ability to get a character and improve them slash level them up gives great incentive to not only keep playing, but also wanting to keep moving through the games. See… the weapons, shields, and other little accessories you can outfit your dude, or broad with improve as you improve. So as you face stronger enemies? You get better shit.

There are countless weapons and shields. I’ve recently started play through 2 (meaning I beat the game once) and stuff keeps getting better. Including the enemies. Who get repackaged with new names, and much higher levels and better weapons. And you can go through the whole campaign again.

One of the best aspects of the game is the online co-op aspect. You can go skaggin with your friends minus their stinktitude, or rancid bodily functions! The bigger your party, the stronger the characters/creatures of Pandora get. Apparently they don’t like you to play with friends…. they prefer you to play with yourself! (get it? “Play with yourself?”) And if the opponents are stronger? The loot you get will be better. Just watch out for that one snake in the grass friend who doesn’t help you beat skagzilla, but then steals all the best guns before you can even take a look at them! (Don’t be that guy… or girl!)

The only negatives I have, are mild. Don’t impact the play or replay value of Borderlands, are really one is just a nuisance. The other is just kind of uninspiring. I’ve had a friend get stuck in rocks… like… 3 times. You’d think he’d have avoided rocks like a recovering crack head. Nope. Still happens. And while I, personally, have found this to be HILARIOUS, and endless entertainment? He’s gotten pretty pissed about it. One good thing/fix. If you’re in a party? If someone gets to a travel point, and travels… dude who is stuck in the rock will travel with you to where ever you go. If you’re playing with yourself? Stop. You’ll go blind… oh… no… I meant – You’re S.O.L. Hope you recently passed a save point. Hit start and exit. Or shoot rockets at your feet and kill yourself.

The other nuisance thing is across a board you’ll come across guys who spawn in the same places all the time. Granted, its fun as hell to explode the shit out of them. Its just uninspired cuz they’re always in the same spot. So if you’re running around the first board, you know you’re gonna see the same dudes shooting at you. And the same Skags fiending for you to blast them in the face. (BTW, shoot skags in the face. Its the only way to effectively neutralize them).

So in summation:

buy this shit.

Play this shit.

It has kept me riveted. It has been addictive, and fun. Lots of chances for XBL gamer points or experience points or whatever the hell they’re called. (again, this is the review of the uber casual gamer)

But the highest praise I can give? I actually played this through and beat the game. I’m surprised at that myself. And I absolutely want to keep playing.

Skag on, motherskaggers!

Sir Scott M. Hayes XIV.