It’s Monday Night, and since there’s no football, there’s only one thing on television that I want to watch…. CHUCK!  Fortunuately enough for me, that ends at 9 pm, so it allows me the opportunity to write this article!  Fear not, you won’t have to forgo my version of analysis on the WWE’s weekly event.

Without any further ado, let’s get down to it!

For the first time in HISTORY, RAW kicks off with JERRY LAWLER as the number one contender, and because I see the Elimination Chamber pay per view as the end of the saga between The Miz and Jerry Lawler (in any kind of straight-up, current time frame, toe-to-toe manner).  Still, it’s surreal.

One of the biggest surprises of the year occurs as Vince McMahon shows up.  No talk of the coma he was supposedly in, but he does let us know that next week, we will find out the individual who will “host” Wrestlemania.

As quickly as he shows up, Vince then leaves, with Randy Orton showing up, apparently with something to say to everyone EXCEPT for Vince McMahon.

It’s Orton’s opinion that despite what he did last week to Husky Harris, that he and CM Punk are “not even” and that they’re just getting started.  Wait, let me guess…  will he be taking out the rest of the members of Nexus one by one….?  Is he really going to be taking Cena’s approach…?   Apparently Punk decides he doesn’t need to hear Orton’s reasoning, and he’s glad that Orton isn’t done with him, because he’s not done with Randy.  Not only that, but he’s got a video show-and-tell!

How great is it that CM Punk’s reasoning for wanting to target Randy Orton stems back to 2008, with VERY legitimate cause?  Orton had his “Legacy” group at a time, and they attacked Punk backstage before Orton kicked him in the head.  Not only did that attack take place, but that was at a pay per view, and while CM Punk went into the event as champion, he didn’t leave as champion.  He was unable to compete at the event and was forced to relinquish the belt.  Now the tables are turned and Punk has vowed to use his efforts and his group to keep Orton from ever winning the belt while Punk and RKO are on the same show.

Is anyone else more sympathetic towards Punk, given the evidence at hand?  I was already a huge fan of his, so I was on his side anyway, but his reasoning just helps remind us just how vile Randy Orton’s character is, and how lame it is that he’s the one getting cheered in all of this.

The two square off and while Orton gets the best of the Nexus for a minute, even busting up Punk’s nose, the Nexus gets the advantage, Punk fights through the blood bubbles emanating from his nostril, and Orton gets the Go2Sleep.  Fantastic segment!

During the commercial break, apparently the Anonymous RAW GM decided to send in an email, booking a series of matches with the members of Nexus against combatants who are signed to compete in the Elimination Chamber, culminating with CM Punk vs John Cena in the main event of the evening, and starting with the following match.

Match – Mason Ryan (of Nexus) vs R-Truth

Truth shows up, and in response to his What’s Up question, my response tonight is “Mason Ryan’s chances of getting a victory tonight, given that you’re his opponent”.

So how long will this match last?  I’d guess three minutes.  The clock is ticking.

Apparently the fans – and Michael Cole – are both angry with R-Truth for saying he’s in Green Bay, since tonight’s RAW is from Milwaukee… which is apparently different… despite the fact that about a fourth of the fans in the crowd are wearing Packers gear.

Decent strategy from Mason Ryan, going after R-Truth’s leg to slow him down and try to break him.  How crazy is it that this guy has a submission finisher?!  I was expecting a powerbomb or a gutwrench suplex or a pumphandle slam or a jackhammer or something way less technical.

Outcome – Mason Ryan gets the win by submission by using a single leg crab with Truth’s knee behind his head.

In true heel fashion, Mason Ryan would rather make a name for himself than to win the match, so he keeps the hold locked in and continues the attack on R-Truth, causing the referee to REVERSE THE OUTCOME OF THE MATCH, which now results in a disqualification of Mason Ryan.

And I was right about the match length.

When the Top Shot commercial played, did anyone else think Daniel Bryan was coming to the ring?

Another commercial-related question, in honor of the Super Bowl, Justified is doing a great job of trying to grab viewers attention with commercials lately.  First they did the Star Wars reference commercial, talking about the Han solo / Greedo “who shot first” situation.  Then they did a play on the “do you feel lucky, punk?” from Dirty harry.  Makes me want to watch it!

Despite looking like CM Punk was going to be angry with Mason Ryan for not beating R-Truth, he’s sufficiantly happy with the way Mason injured R-Truth and tells the rest of Nexus to do the same.

Next up, it’s DIVA Time.

Six-Diva Tag Match – Eve Torres, Tamina, Gail Kim vs Natalya and the Bella Twins

Is anyone else noticing how all of the Diva’s have sparkly ring attire?  Everyone but Tamina, apparently.  How fitting is the sparkly outfits, given that strippers have a reputation for wearing glitter.  I’m not meaning to call the Diva’s “strippers”, because they’re far better athletes (and I’ve yet to see any pole-dancing from them… aside from that segment with Lita and Edge back in the day, where the pole dancing was implied.

Outcome – Eve Torres with a phenomenal swinging neckbreaker (literally) FTW.

Another 2.21.2011 commercial, and at this point, it definitely makes me think more about Undertaker than it does about Sting, given the use of a quick portion of a Johnny Cash song where he talks about how no grave is going to hold him down.  Unless I’m mistaken, Undertaker was buried alive a few months ago, right?  Seems like a lock.

Back from commercial, Michael Cole points out that Jerry Lawler is wearing his ring attire, to which Lawler responds that he heard The Miz wanted to “congratulate him” on becoming Number One Contender, so he wanted to be ready.  Really, Jerry?  You can’t fight without wearing black and blue spandex?

Elimination Chamber History lesson, and what are the odds that WWE brought back Booker T because they didn’t want to be as limited in how they edited these videos, given that they don’t want to hype anyone who isn’t still part of the “family”?

One of the clips shows Shawn Michaels hoisting the World Heavyweight Championship after one of the Elimination Chamber matches several years ago.  If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t that the last time he won the championship?

Match – John Morrison vs Michael McGillicutty

If McGillicutty isn’t worried about winning the match and only wants to hurt John Morrison, why would he have any reason to get back into the ring while attacking a prone John Morrison who is laying on the apron?  After the dropkick to the steel steps to crush Morrison’s arm fails, he doesn’t have the option, but those elbows to the back of the head actually looked like they had more potential for damage than anything else he might’ve tried.

This match might have been shorter than the Truth v Mason match (which incidentally sounds like what you might entitle an intervention… if you gave those sorts of things names.

Outcome – John Morrison wins via pinfall after the Starship Pain

The real damage to John Morrison is done after the match, where CM Punk shows up and sprays something in his face, then gives him a kick to the head, laying him out.

Looks like it’s time for The Miz to congratulate Lawler…

As it starts, The Miz actually does congratulate Lawler on his victory in the RAW Rumble, even getting a “Jerry” chant going.  The Miz actually says that he and Lawler are very similar, likening himself to a “Modern Day Jerry Lawler”… which is maybe partially true, but I can’t say for sure because Lawler’s prime was over before I started watching wrestling… which was over 20 years ago.

Lawler disagrees that The Miz is a modern day version of him, and Jerry disagrees, but he fails to acknowledge that the biggest difference is that Lawler never had a shot at the WWE Championship back in his day, let alone had a title reign.

The Miz showing the footage of Lawler’s sucker-punch on Ted DiBiase from last week is just another example of a heel showing footage tonight which makes the face less sympathetic.  DiBiase did have it coming, but it was still a cheap shot.

After they share their conflicting opinions about the outcome of the upcoming match on the Elimination Chamber pay per view, The Miz goes to use his catchphrase, Lawler interrupts it and replaces the end with “AWFUL”, and a brawl ensues.  Alex Riley attacks, Lawler starts getting the advantage, Ted DiBiase shows up…  then Daniel Bryan shows up… and it’s impromptu match time according to the Anonymous GM!

Match – The Miz & Ted DiBiase vs Daniel Bryan & Jerry Lawler

Alex Riley joins the announce team, and did anyone else catch it when A-Ri’ refers to the United States Champion as Bryan Danielson?  Nice!  Now we just need someone to call him “American Dragon”!

After all they’ve been through, why is Maryse still with Ted DiBiase?  I’m not complaining too much, because I am happy that she’s on screen each week, usually wearing a decent outfit, but I’d rather see her in a match with some revealing ring attire, showing off why she’s one of the top three Diva’s in the business today.

Outcome – Jerry Lawler gets the pinfall on Ted DiBiase after a fist-drop from the second rope

After the commercial, Sheamus starts to make his entrance, but Josh Mathews rushes up to him and helps stir things up between Sheamus and Mark Henry, as Henry apparently said that Sheamus doesn’t belong in the Elimination Chamber, and Sheamus responded by saying that Mark Henry hasn’t accomplished anything in the WWE in all his time here and probably wouldn’t even fit into an Elimination Chamber pod.

Mark Henry shows up before a match between David Otunga and Sheamus gets the opportunity to start, and the two big men battle in the ring while Otunga waits outside the ring… then decides to climb the turnbuckle, only to get knocked down by Sheamus.

Much to my surprise, Mark Henry gets the advantage and stars repeatedly slamming Sheamus, and it looks like WWE has their own version of the “Yearly Meng Push”.

After Mark Henry leaves, David Otunga stands over the fallen body of Sheamus in some sort of victory, and if they’re trying to imply that David Otunga fabricated the story about Mark Henry supposedly talking smack about Sheamus, they could’ve done a bit more to try to sell that storyline, because they just left it hanging.  There’s enough show left to make that obvious, but they haven’t done enough yet.

Alberto Del Rio shows up and has something to say, and it’s the usual stuff… and then Santino rushes the ring.  With tons of energy, Santino procedes to attack Del Rio and then they replay the ending to the Royal Rumble, but this time Santino throws Alberto out of the ring.

Another Impromptu Match – Alberto Del Rio vs Santino Marella

The two battle back and forth a bit, with Santino looking like he’s going to get the worst of it, but then Del Rio tries to do one of his signature moves where he dives through the ropes and attacks the back of a prone opponent draped over the middle rope, but Santino moves and Alberto hits the arena floor HARD!

Is it just me, or did they just DROP the feud between Kofi Kingston and Alberto Del Rio?  Was that just a one week thing?

Santino actually looks like he’s in great position to win the match, but the COBRA Strike misses and Del Rio then quickly goes to work on the arm.

Outcome – Alberto Del Rio gets the submission victory with the cross-arm breaker.

As they recap what Nexus has been doing all night, why did Michael Cole attribute what happened to Sheamus as being done by Nexus?  Is he not paying attention or is he hoping that we’re the ones not paying attention?

Vickie Guerrero is in attendance, with Dolph Ziggler in tow, and she talks about how Ziggler is going to win the title from Edge prior to the Elimination Chamber pay per view, and before she gets too far with it, John Cena shows up!

Ziggler asks a very pertinent question, asking why John Cena is in the ring.  I guess it would be more pertinent for Ziggler to ask that question if Dolph, himself, weren’t questionable as for his reasons for showing up on a WWE show on a night where he doesn’t belong.

Apparently cena wants to apologize – on behalf of R-Truth for forgetting that he’s no longer in Green Bay (since the MILWAUKEE fans don’t like it when people referring to their town as Green Bay, and that’s what R-Truth did before his match) and he apologizes to Vickie Guerrero for things getting crazy last time.  Vickie doesn’t like being mocked, and eventually Cena gets the crowd to help him rile up Dolph and Vickie enough to get them to leave.

Cena has a reason for being there, mic in hand, and vows to beat CM Punk and stay in one piece while doing it (throwing a Pabst Blue Ribbon reference in there for good measure to ensure the local crowd pop).

Match – CM Punk vs John Cena

How great is it that John Cena continually looks over his shoulder, trying to make sure that the members of New Nexus aren’t showing up?  Didn’t they say at the beginning of the show that the members can’t get involved in each others’ matches?  Even if that’s not officially a stipulation, the members haven’t been involved in any of the earlier matches tonight, so why would this be any different?

The match transpires like you might expect it to for a little while.  CM Punk holds the advantage, then Cena makes a comeback, but CM Punk gets in control again and holds advantage until Cena makes a little comeback, during which he is warned about possibly being disqualified… and that’s exactly the route he goes!

Outcome – John Cena gets himself intentionally disqualified with a low blow

Cena makes good on his promise to beat CM Punk without getting too banged up in the process… but then the rest of New Nexus shows up, and Cena realizes that his plan has fallen apart.  Not to be over-shadowed by actual wrestlers, the unfortunate number one contender Jerry Lawler hands Cena a chair between the ropes, which Cena uses to end the threat against him, and he finishes the show holding the chair to hold other people at bay.

(don’t forget to read a special message after the polls)

If you liked this article, or just want other suggestions of things to read here on GuysNation, the following articles might also interest you.

– my article with results and analysis from last week’s Smackdown

– a new feature where I give a summary of the previous week’s polls from wrestling-related articles

– a funny clip of wrestling comedy hijinx from a match you probably never saw

– a preview to an upcoming movie (which looks phenomenally funny) you might not have heard about yet