It’s Monday, which not only marks the start of the work week, but it also marks the first of WWE’s week book-ending shows.  Tonight, the show WWE puts the most effort and resources into… RAW!!!

We’re about 20 minutes from the start (if you’re reading this right when I post it), but I’m going to be doing my best to update this LIVE as it happens with my special brand of analysis, which involves a little bit of results-reporting, a little bit of speculation, a little bit of questioning (some actual, some rhetorical), and a bit of fantasy booking.

Before the show starts, here are some questions we’ve got before the show even begins…

First and foremost, who’s going to be the host of Wrestlemania 27?  Vince McMahon showed up last week to announce that it was going to be announced on Valentine’s Day, and if the predictions hold true, I think you’re going to LOVE the identity of the host.

Will that person clash with Alberto Del Rio, or will the winner of this year’s Royal Rumble even make an appearance on the show?

R-Truth got beaten up pretty badly last week by Mason Ryan, is he in any position to compete in the Elimination Chamber a week from yesterday?

Speaking about a week from now, are we going to get another hint as to the identity of 2.21.2011?  A lot of people are thinking Undertaker, while others still hold out hope for Sting.

We still only have one inductee announced for the 2011 Hall Of Fame class.  Are we going to get a second name other than just Shawn Michaels?

Is Jerry Lawler going to get more in-ring time prior to his big World Title match with The Miz?  I wouldn’t want him to get an injury leading into his ONLY MAIN EVENT MATCH ON PAY PER VIEW IN WWE, but it would probably behoove him to shake more of the ring rust.

Could Daniel Bryan end up with an opponent for the Elimination Chamber pay per view?  I’m hoping it’s not going to be Ted DiBiase, but that’s the only likely option right now unless something happens tonight.

Mark Henry and Sheamus got into it with one another last week, so are they going to continue things tonight?  Is David Otunga going to get smacked down (pardon the pun) for claiming victory over Sheamus when he didn’t get in an offensive maneuver last week?

Do things between Santino Marella and Alberto Del Rio continue?  They could be setting up for a Santino / Kofi / Del Rio three-way at Elimination Chamber.

If Santino isn’t going to be involved with Alberto Del Rio, are they going to continue things with the Usos?  And how about with The Corre, or New Nexus, or all of the above?

RAW’s getting closer, and that’s all I’ve got… so let’s get down to business!

The show starts out with John Cena’s music, and you can be sure that he’s proud of the way last week’s RAW ended, with him having the upperhand thanks to a low blow on CM Punk and a steel chair assist thanks to Jerry Lawler to hold New Nexus at bay.  He was the one guy who escaped February 7th without getting the Nexus beatdown, so let’s see what he has to say.

He starts out by thanking Lawler for that assist and then talks about Valentine’s Day, then switches to talking about Wrestlemania… hyping up the fact that we’re going to find out who the host for WM 27 will be.  I’m hearing tons of “Rocky” chants, and it sounds like they agree that it’ll be The Great One.  Cena mentions some names, including Lady Gaga and Michael Cole.  From the polls I’ve been doing, it seems like some people might prefer those options to Justin Bieber.

Cena then makes a plea to the fans that he NEEDS to go to Wrestlemania’s main event, talking about the bad year he’s had.  In addition to talking about being a slave to Nexus (which I’m sure alienated a few more fans), he talks about how after he was fired, he was living off of powdered milk and crayons… But didn’t he say he was going back home after he was fired?!  Is that how his mom treats him?!  For shame.  I bet it’s because of that time where one of Cena’s opponents went to his house and hit his dad.  John should’ve been a better protector?  It seems she believes as such.

CM Punk shows up and runs down John Cena, talking about how he’s undefeated against John Cena and then tempers flare and the opening match is under way.

Match – John Cena vs CM Punk

As things get started, Punk works things until Cena hits his shoulder on the corner ringpost, then goes out to the arena floor where Punk exits to stay on the offensive… as we cut to commercial.

We return to the match where there must be a winner.  Punk can’t have any outside interference from the members of Nexus, and if he does, he’ll be removed from the Elimination Chamber.  Punk in complete control when the show continues, with Punk working over Cena with some mat wrestling.

Cena gets the advantage, hits the You Can’t See Me fist drop, tries for the Attitude Adjustment but Punk wiggles out of it to escape.  Cena tries to stay on the offensive, but Cena hits a nice leg lariat to keep things in his control.  Punk with a body scissors on the mat, but Cena starts working up off the mat with some great show of strength.  Cena hits a suplex, then gets only a two-count on Punk.

We’re reminded at the bottom of the screen that the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show program can be seen on a different channel… does anyone remember the days where RAW would get pre-empted?  Those days sucked.

They work back and forth, John Cena nearly hooks in the STF, Punk gets out of it and then puts Cena back down again.  They both get up, work back and forth, Punk hits some kicks… only a 2 count.  Punk then goes to the top rope, flying cross body press, but Cena catches him, sets up for the Attitude Adjustment… Punk grabs the top rope and is able to escape.  Someone under the ring gives Punk a chair, he throws it into the ring for the distraction… then Punk gets a monkey wrench, which he uses to drill Cena in the head, and from that point, it’s elemental.

Outcome – CM Punk gets the win after he hits the Go 2 Sleep

Lawler’s not in attendance tonight, as apparently his mother has passed away.  The condolences of the GuysNation family goes out to him and his family.

Just when I thought we were going to have a RAW which was free from Alberto Del Rio, we come back from the commercial with the introduction of Alberto’s ring announcer, heralding his employer’s arrival.

Why did the bell ring prior to the announcement?  Del Rio is clearly wearing a suit, not dressed for competition.  Don’t they typically save the ring bell for matches?

In the midst of ADR’s typical spiel, Edge shows up and says that he has been busy dealing with Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown, and he nearly forgot that he owed ADR a beatdown based on the attack a couple weeks ago on RAW after ADR made his decision known that he’d be targeting Edge’s championship belt for Wrestlemania.  Edge scores a takedown (2 points) and then starts punching Del Rio, setting up for a Spear before ADR’s ring announcer gets involved, allowing ADR to get outside the ring.  Alberto tries to get back on the attack from there, but Edge keeps things in his favor.

Vickie Guerrero shows up and introduces Dolph Ziggler, calling him the NEW World Champion!  Something’s gotta give…

Apparently Friday’s Smackdown will feature Dolph Ziggler’s coronation as World Chamion, and Vickie is claiming that Edge is no longer champion.  And apparently Edge is going to be fired, because Vickie CLAIMS to have proof that Edge is the one to have attacked Teddy Long.

She laughs, she walks away.  Then backstage we see Natalya and Eve Torres walking, and apparently there’s a Diva’s championship match tonight.

Another 2.21.2011 promo, and this time we CLEARLY see Undertaker through the window, then we see him from inside the house.  Now here’s the interesting part… Someone’s outside the building looking in.  Watching it a second time, it appears that you can still see Undertaker inside the building while still clearly seeing the person about twenty yards away from the house.  Could 2.21.2011 refer to Undertaker AND Sting?!

Diva’s Championship Match – (c) Natalya vs Eve Torres

So Josh Mathews admits that CM Punk told him to stir things up between Mark Henry and Sheamus last week.  Interesting… why wouldn’t they have sold that idea last week?

Natalya was apparently voted on as being the top option for a Valentine? is going to do it’s own investigation on that one….

So after some confusion outside the ring, Natalya goes for a roll-up, but Eve Torres reverses it into a pinfall predicament of her own.

Outcome – Eve Torres retains the Diva’s Championship via roll-up

Other than to say it happened, I’m not covering the backstage Diva’s brawl with the Bella Twins attacking Eve Torres, nor Natalya getting involved to even the odds.  Nor am I covering the promo for The Chaperone.

Apparently Mark Henry was going to have a match, but during his entrance, he gets blindsided by Sheamus, leaving him in a heap on the arena floor.  Sheamus sends a warning out to the Elimination Chamber combatants and when Mark Henry gets picked up off the ground, Sheamus kicks him down again.

The Miz is walking around backstage, and apparently he’s up next and will be facing the United States Champion – American Dragon Daniel Bryan (Danielson).

Match – The Miz vs Daniel Bryan

There’s not a ton to cover during this match, and I’m not going to go move for move, but seriously, they mentioned that Daniel Bryan’s matches are an insomniac’s dream… but could anything be further from the truth?  Were it not the heels making those comments, I’d imagine that the superlative he’d be up for would be Best Matches, not Worst.

Bryan locks in the LaBell Lock, but The Miz gets the rope and then gets out onto the apron and gets Bryan in a bad way outside the ring… just in time for commercial.

Interesting note there, 48 days away from Wrestlemania!  I guess you could say now that we’re within 50 days we’re within the Final Countdown!

Is it just me, or did they just go this entire match without talking about how Daniel Bryan got the United States Championship FROM The Miz?  They could be playing up the history a bit better instead of just assuming we remember it.

Outcome – The Miz capitalizes on a mistake from Daniel Bryan and hits an inverted powerbomb, then connects with the Skull Crushing Finale for the victory

Match – Nexus (David Otunga & Mike McGillicutty) vs John Morrison & R-Truth

Apparently this was supposed to be a singles match, but the Anonymous GM made pairings on each side.  Was that in the spirit of not wanting people to be lonely on Valentine’s Day?

R-Truth gets sent out of the ring about a minute into the match, and after he gets kicked in the ribs by Mason Ryan, that becomes the target spot by Nexus.  David Otunga and McGillicutty working well together.  They’re not excellent wrestlers, but they’ve both got skills, and this might be a perfect pairing for them… at least while Husky Harris is out.

R-Truth makes the hot tag and John Morrison gets in there and unleashes some of the fury, including a crazy brawling spinebuster on David Otunga, and I’m liking the difference I’m seeing here in John Morrison.  It almost seems like he’s potato’ing these guys to send a message to Vince McMahon to make up for the rumors I’ve heard about Vince not thinking he’s tough enough.  He says “I hope you’re watching, Punk”, but he could very well have meant “punk” as meaning “Vince is a punk”.

Outcome – John Morrison gets the pinfall after his running knee to the head of Mike McGillicutty

After the match, Mason Ryan tries to get involved in the ring, but Truth & Morrison take care of him and stand tall while Nexus is outside the ring

Half hour left, which means we’re getting ever closer to the announcement of Wrestlemania 27’s host.  Can’t wait!

Ariel Winter is in the ring.  She’s from The Chaperone with Triple H, and Modern Family with various actors who don’t have anything to do with wrestling.  I was worried for a moment that she was going to announce Wrestlemania’s host, but apparently she’s just introducing Khali’s Kiss Cam.  Hopefully he realizes that if he kisses her, he could be arrested.

Apparently the Kiss Cam is going to scan the crowd, and it’s also going backstage.  We see a few people in the crowd, then we see Santino and Tamina.  Then Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler.  Then more from the crowd.  Now Maryse and Ted DiBiase… but she won’t kiss him.  Instead, Maryse gives us MORE reason to be jealous of Yoshi Tatsu as she kisses him instead!  Elsewhere backstage, William Regal and Zack Ryder.  Hornswoggle gets into the ring and gives Ariel a box of chocolates, and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

That wasted a couple minutes, and I will say that if this were TNA, they probably would’ve taken those five minutes and used them throughout the show to have someone talk about waiting for a limo to show up.  Then again, we’re getitng our second Chaperone commercial of the night, so… I guess it’s about even.

Match – Sheamus vs Randy Orton

Fairly standard match between these two, with not much fodder from the announcers for my pithy comments.  Sheamus did have a nice counter to the RKO into his Urinage Backbreaker.  Out of nowhere, Randy Orton leaps up and hits his RKO…. And that’s all she wrote.  I really figured this was going to last longer.

Outcome – Randy Orton gets the win with the RKO

After the match… IMMEDIATELY after the match… CM Punk and Nexus rushes the ring and attacks Orton.  John Morrison shows up and goes straight after Punk, with R-Truth following up… and then John Cena following them.  Randy Orton hits an RKO to nearly all the guys from Nexus, and after a combo whupping from Orton and Cena on Punk and Mason Ryan, the ring is clear aside from the two alpha males from RAW, and Cena’s music plays.  Why not Orton’s music?  Who knows.

A limo shows up… I didn’t see any specific license plate to give away any hints… but the door opens… and high heels step out?  Is that the host, or is it a red herring?!  I’m guessing the latter, but we’ll see.

Right back from commercial, we are told to welcome the host of Wrestlemania 27….

….and the suspension grows….

….and it grows….

….and the lights go out…

….and we just get booming noises….

….lightning on the Titan Tron….

….lights out again…

IF YOU SMELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The Rock steps out onto the stage, a slightly remixed version of his theme song, with a shirt that reads “I Bring It”.  The fans are going wild, and I don’t think a damn person is disappointed by this announcement, and neither should you be disappointed.

The Rock is headed for the ring, he doesn’t have a microphone, but someone will throw it to him, no doubt about that.  We’re just now hitting 11 o’clock, so technically he could have five minutes or more of microphone time.  I’ll do my best to keep you updated on what he says.

The ovation continues, and The Rock finally asks for a microphone.  Here we go… time to test my speed-typing skills.

The Rock: After seven long years… (waits for the crowd pop to die down) FINALLY… FINALLY!!! Finally The Rock… HAS COME BACK… to Anaheim!!!  Which means, Finally THE ROCK HAS COME BACK to Monday Night RAW!!  Which means FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK… HOME.

Crowd pops.

Crowd pops.

Now before the Rock gets into that, before we electrify, before we turn this out tonight… for those of you who don’t know, The Rock has many nicknames… The Great One.  The Most Electrifying Man In All Of Entertainment.  The People’s Champion.  But I want to tell you what’s important to me right now.  I need to take this moment and tell you something as Dwayne.  It has been a long time since I’ve been back, 7 years to be exact.  I want to take this moment in the middle of this ring to tell you why I’m back.

Crowd waits.

The Rock:  It’s not because of the money, it’s not to promote a movie.  I’m back in the middle of this ring because of you.  When I left the WWE seven years ago, I dreamed big and you dreamed big with me, you helped me accomplish my goals, my dreams, because you never left my side.  And I want to take this moment to tell you all here, you live here and the millions watching around the world.  I want to tell you Thank You, I love you, and it’s because of you that I’m back in this ring and it’s because of you, and I give you my word, that I’m never, ever going away.

The crowd goes ecstatic.  “ROCKY!” chants all over the place.

The Rock:  Simply put, ladies and gentlemen, THE ROCK IS BACK!   The Rock is back because I wanted to do something that has never been done before, The Rock is going to host Wrestlemania.  So The Rock called Vince McMahon and Vince said “Rock, I know why you’re calling, I know you know I need a host for Wrestlemania, Rock, there’s only one man electrifying enough to host Wrestlemania, there’s only one man who can captivate the world… Rock, that man can ONLY BE Justin Bieber!”


The Rock:  But I told Vince, Hey, No, I know Bieber, he’s cool, but make no mistake, there is only ONE MAN who’s capable enough to host Wrestlemania.  That man is the Jabroni Beating, Pie Eating, Trailblazing, Hell Blazing, Always Ready To Step On The Gas… The Rock!

The Rock:  The Rock is going to Wrestlemania, and at the drop of a dime The Rock is going to lay the smack down if needed.  But to whom, that’s the question.

The Rock:  Should it be WWE Champion The Miz.  He’s the one who walks around saying “I’m Awesome!  I’m Awesome!”  The Rock is no scientist, but there’s one formula that The Rock knows, and it’s that if you go around telling everyone that you’re awesome, it means just one thing… that you ABSOLUTELY SUCK.

The Rock:  But there’s just one man who The Rock wants to see… who The Rock NEEDS to see… and that man…

At this point The Rock is cut off by the Anonymous General Manager interrupting with an email…

The Rock:  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa… Michael Cole, if you take one more step towards that computer, The Rock will smack the taste out of your mouth!  Do you actually think that The Rock is going to let you interrupt him LIVE on RAW?  Do you think that any of us give a DAMN about what your General Manager has to say?!

“ROCKY!” chants start up again.

The Rock:  Michael Cole, is that what YOU think…?

Michael Cole:  I’ll tell you what I thi…

The Rock:  IT DOESN”T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!  You need to sit at that table, know your role… and shut your damn mouth!!  And if you don’t, The Rock will have some great pictures to add to his Facebook page tonight.  Does anyone want to contribute to The Rock’s facebook page tonight?  If Michael Cole doesn’t listen, The Rock is going to exit this ring, shine up the computer real nice, turn it sideways and shove it straight up Michael Cole’s candy ass!  Now sit down, you look like a drunk hobbit!

More chanting, Michael Cole pouts.

There is ONE MAN who The Rock is going to see… face to face…  A guy who I met, a guy who I thought was a cool guy… wished him well, and eventually he starts talking trash about The Rock.  I don’t know why, but I’m back now… you might’ve heard of him… his name is John Cena.

As if the fans needed another reason to chant CENA SUCKS!!

The Rock:  So let me get this straight, the WWE has gone from Austin 3:16 and CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING…. to “You Can’t See Me…  You Can’t See…”  What are you playing, peekaboo?  We can ALL see you.  Stevie Wonder can see your monkey ass!  How do you think we can miss that bright purple shirt, and before that, the bright green shirt, and before that the bright orange shirt… you’re walking around here like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

John Cena, The Rock will see you at Wrestlemania.  Just like The Rock will see The Miz at Wrestlemania.  And just as sure as The Rock will turn Wrestlemania into the most epic Wrestlemania of all time, and just as sure as every day John Cena walks out here looking like he’s just been shot out of Barney’s Anus… just as sure as The Rock Guaran-damn-tees three things for Wrestlemania…

1 – Show the world he’s the most electrifying man in all of entertainment

2 – At the drop of a dime, he will lay the smack down on all their candy asses

3 – the Rock and The MILLIONS (AND MILLIONS) of the Rock’s fans go to Wrestlemania and electrify Wrestlemania and the World like only The Rock can… if you SMEEEEEELL… WHAT THE ROCK….  (wait for it….)

(keep waiting)

(ROCKY! chants)

(get a cup of coffee)


Eyebrow.  Theme music.

Top rope, fist raising.

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