Questions stemming from RAW used to be a somewhat popular series of articles. For tonight, it’s back. It might continue for Smackdown if I’m feeling right, but let’s see how tonight goes. And the infamous polls will be back too… before the night is over.
RAW 9/24/2012 – Opening Segment
CM Punk starts RAW in the ring, and despite being one of the best talkers in the business, the WWE Champion is silent, and Paul Heyman is doing his talking for him? I’d have to think there could be a better use of talent. If the WWE is going to have Heyman speak on someone’s behalf, in addition to the work he’s doing for Brock Lesnar, why not have him do this for someone like Kofi Kingston or Sin Cara or just about anyone else who is cringe-worthy when they open their mouth?
The Champ’s ring attire is back to blue and orange, and if you saw Smackdown you’d notice that Damien Sandow is wearing purple. I guess wearing pink only makes you a heel when WWE isn’t supporting Breast Cancer Awareness.
Some valid points are made by Punk, regarding a rookie referee being involved in officiating a match with four of the top guys in the company.
Paul Heyman and CM Punk drawing parallels between this rookie referee and the NFL’s replacement refs… and they’re supposed to be heels? I’m imagining that a lot of fans are actually agreeing with them.
If WWE keeps associating CM Punk with the arrival of AJ Lee, do they really expect us to boo him?
Who the hell do Paul Heyman and WWE Champion CM Punk think they are? How about: two of the top 25 greatest performers of the past 25 years….?
After CM Punk dresses her down and reminds us all about why AJ Lee is probably obsessed with Punk and their history together, Paul Heyman does something that hundreds of thousands of members of the IWC would love to do… he proposes to her.
And just like she’d do to those IWC’ers… Paul Heyman gets a rejection, this time via slap to the face.
How many times did that probably happen backstage in ECW with hotties like Tammy Sytch, Kimona Wannalaya, Beulah McGillicutty, Francine and others?
Oh great, an update on Jerry Lawler? Yeeeeee….ah…..!
If the sarcasm isn’t coming across in that one, you’ll have to forgive me, I’m a bit out of practice.
(end of part 1)
Godfather AJ Lee
She threatens that if that referee, who is at this point nameless to me because I’m typing too much and splitting my attention, messes up again, she’ll not only fire him from WWE, but she’ll ensure that he never works in the business again.
Apparently she gets emotional when people make her look the fool, and she actually brings about a tear to her eye.
The Showoff is Money
Apparently it’s not showing off if you can back it up… and another perk of being able to back it up apparently involves not having to speak for yourself.
Not being able to back it up involves carrying popcorn and a soda for an imaginary friend and sitting at ringside while a more talented wrestler gets to Tweet-battle one of the top contenders on the roster.
Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler
Out of all the Divas in WWE, did R-Truth really have to get into a wet tshirt fight with Vickie Guerrero?
For those of you who are long-time fans of this article series, you’ll likely remember me covering matches between Kofi and Dolph Ziggler, as it happened every week for somewhere around 11 weeks a couple summers ago.
(another article interruption)
Apparently Cris Angel is the celebrity Tweet’ing host of the evening. Would anyone notice if his lame comment about “leaving Little Jimmy alone” was the last thing he said all night?
Would anyone else be pleased if that were the case?
Result – Dolph Ziggler gets the win, and aside from giving him a temporary feud while waiting to cash in the briefcase, why else would Dolph Ziggler have done anything other than beat Kofi?
Not only is Daniel Bryan going out to dinner with his Anger Management therapist, but it’s a roleplaying activity… with Kane as the waiter.
If you went a restaurant and Kane was your waiter, what would be your biggest concern?
And… Kane’s recounting of destroying the cook and chopping him up and serving him in the day’s food? That answers it.
Looks like this will be the episodic segment series of the evening.
Oh good, we get to pick the team name for Bryan & Kane?
Just when you thought there couldn’t be a goofier team than the Prime Time Players…
Zack Ryder & Santino Marella vs Darren Young & Titus O’Neil
Anyone else think Zack Ryder should follow up Darren Young’s taunt by saying “Millions of Followers”?
It sounds better when you say it.
The Players new ring attire provides more evidence that Purple is the new Pink.
If you were Titus O’Neil and you blocked Santino’s Cobra strike, why not turn the weapon on Santino and save yourself the trouble of having to powerbomb him?
Result – Prime Time Players get the win and keep their place as an upper eschelon tag team.
There’s a special guest in the building, and so long as it’s not Cris Angel, I’m looking forward to it!
An alumnist? Intriguing.
Don’t you just love how WWE hypes up Smackdown by trying to get you interested in the next chapter of Kane & Daniel Bryan… when they’re selling that as a major part of tonight’s show?
The Special Guest Train Wreck
Mick Foley is the special guest for the evening, and this is already way better than a Tweeting magician.
Apparently he’s just a member of the WWE Universe tonight instead of the Hardcore Legend…. so what does it take for a member of the WWE Universe to get a microphone, entrance music, and the chance to speak in the ring on RAW?
Foley starts giving us a brief history lesson on CM Punk and his emergence into the spotlight over a year ago… and the Cult Of Personality shows up and interrupts.
Before CM Punk gets into the ring, he has some words with a guy who looks a lot like Sheamus at ringside… disrespecting Foley by making him wait and then shouldering through him.
Anyone else think Foley would’ve been honest about his intentions if CM Punk hadn’t interrupted him?
Would anyone else love to see CM Punk wrestle an in-his-prime Mick Foley.
And… Foley just asked Punk the same question I was asking at the beginning of the show regarding needing Heyman to be a mouthpiece for one of the best talkers of this era.
Punk saying he wants to bring the fans to their knees, is that ironic since he bares a general resemblance to General Zod?
Foley getting intense and talking about the length of a title reign not mattering, but instead there needing to be a moment to define a competitor as a legend? Great RAW moments. THIS is why Foley is a legend. This is why he’s better than Kevin Nash and countless others who held World Championships hundreds of days longer than he did.
The Miz vs Ryback
Looks like this is a non-title match up, which likely won’t matter much because it’s highly unlikely that The Miz is going to get pinned OR submit in this one.
Since their segment on the last RAW, for a week, I’ve been wondering if it’s possible for The Miz to look credible against Ryback. The Miz is doing it. He’s making Ryback look human, getting plenty of offense against him.
Result – I was totally wrong, as Ryback gets a strong victory by pinfall
And now it’s dinner time.
Steel Chair Reminiscing
Apparently remembering how they destroyed 8 guys with steel chairs on Smackdown brings upon a When Harry Met Sally moment for Bryan & Kane… and Mae Young says she’ll have what they’re having.
Could any two references be further lost on the readers of this article or the RAW audience?
How about an Eddie Money Travel Agency?
AJ Forgives And Forgets
The general manager gives the referees a pep talk, letting them know that there’s bound to be mistakes when there’s no instant replay.
Then she gets a visit from Alberto Del Rio and David Otunga, and she sets up a six-man tag match. Ricardo Rodriguez is more than excited to get back into the ring.
Wade Barrett vs Tyson Kidd
Can I skip forward to the part where the Barrett Barrage destroys Kidd with that short-arm elbow smash to the face?
It took less than 3 minutes.
And I’m skipping the Jerry Lawler segment.
Six Man Tag Match time!
ADR, RR & Otunga vs Sheamus & Sin Cara & Mysterio
Anyone else think this match should employ lucha libre tag match rules, whereby a tag is made whenever someone goes flying out of the ring?
When Rey Mysterio gets to setup and perform the 6-1-9 and Sheamus doesn’t make a tag, did anyone care?
Any Mistico fans out there happy that Sin Cara at least gets to use his old ring attire?
Result – Mistico gets the pinfall on David Otunga, and in the aftermath, Sheamus gets the Brogue Kick
And after all this, Alberto Del Rio will probably still get to be the one who gets the title shot against Sheamus at Hell In A Cell.
Final Identity Therapy Dinner Session
The actual waitress gets the meal choices wrong for Bryan and Kane… and while the Big Red Machine is having to eat lettuce, Bryan has to eat a meatball.
The lettuce apparently induces a burp from Kane… whereas Bryan vomits all in the lap of his therapist.
I wasn’t too sure about this feud when it first started, but it’s comedic gold.
Their tag team name, as voted upon by the RAW audience, is a choice between Team Teamwork, Team Hell No and Team Friendship.
The results? Team Hell No
Works for me.
During the results announcement, Hell No gets attacked from behind by Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes… who apparently are now known as Team Rhodes Scholars.
Layla & Alicia Fox vs Beth Phoenix & Eve
With both Eve AND Layla involved in this match, I’m not going to be able to focus too much on what I’m writing here…
I can tell you how this one ends before it starts…
The match? Less predictable.
How crazy is it that the first dropkick from Alicia Fox is performed better than the first one of the night from Kofi Kingston?
Result – Eve gets the win and continues to build up her Diva’s Champion credibility
And after the match, Kaitlyn shows up (SCORE!) and she announces that she got the security footage from the night she was attacked… and Beth Phoenix gets implicated because she’s blonde… and then for some reason Eve Torres takes her out.
All I really care about is that we got more from Eve Torres and a glimpse at Kaitlyn.
Brodus Clay vs Tensai
THIS is the type of booking I’ve been waiting to see involving Brodus Clay.
How weird is it to see opposite ends of the character spectrum, from two guys who are roughly the same size, with Brodus’ hair being some of the only difference between them?
And now we get the return of The Big Show? The ring might cave in if Mark Henry decides to show up as well.
Tensai’s down, shot to the jaw. Brodus Clay wants some… and he gets some, too.
A fan favorite for the kiddos gets destroyed. A favorite of the IWC gets the same treatment. And yet… there was cheering in the arena?
So now that John Cena is in the ring at 10 minutes before 11 pm EST, does that mean that, technically, Brodus vs Tensai was the main event?
Earlier in the show, Mick Foley announces that John Cena will be ready for Hell In A Cell, and in the first two minutes, Cena says his future is in doubt…? Something doesn’t add up… though I guess we’ll have to wait a few minutes for him to completely contradict that.
And… minutes later, he has said he guarantees that he’s going to show up to FIGHT at Hell In A Cell, even if he’s not fully ready to compete.
CM Punk decides to show up, as if there were any other option.
The WWE Champion says he doesn’t intend to take Cena’s challenge for various reasons, Cena isn’t happy about it, so Punk tells him to hit the road.
What does Cena do about it? He pulls out a lead pipe and hits Punk in the gut with it.
After CM Punk heads backstage, John Cena wanders around the ring, celebrating with the fans, so you know it’s not over.
CM Punk goes backstage, sees Mick Foley and sends a message of his own, kicking Foley in the leg, dropping the Hardcore Legend before turning around to find… Ryback’s not happy.
And that’s how they end RAW.
Keep checking back throughout the night for updates, which is essentially just the polls!