“In common parlance, a devil’s advocate is one who takes a position he does not necessarily agree with for the sake of argument.” – Wikipedia.

From time to time, these are going to pop up, and that’s your disclaimer. I may not necessarily believe everything I say, but I’m going to throw it out there. There are times, however, like this one, that I’ll believe every word that I type.

Brett Favre is a jerk.

Brett Favre on the set of CSI Green Bay

Brett Favre on the set of CSI Green Bay

Forget the fact that he completely ignores all rules of phonics with his last name. Ignore his douche bag middle name of Lorenzo. The guy is a jerk for many, many more reasons than that.

I don’t have any documentation that says that Favre was the kid that broke a window playing whiffle ball but bullied another kid into taking the blame for it, so we’re going to have to assume that his career as a jerk began in college.

Brett Favre was offered a grand total of ONE scholarship to play football, at the very prestigious Southern Miss University. That was sarcasm. Southern Miss isn’t Prairie View A and M by any stretch, but they’re not exactly “The U” or Penn State, either. Anyway, Southern Miss wanted Brett Favre to play safety. Not much of a stretch since the high school offense orchestrated by his father was a 95% run based scheme, and Brett didn’t throw the ball very much for Hancock North Central.

Oh, and Brett also played safety for Hancock North Central, as well as quarterback, lineman, and place kicker. It’s not like they were asking a career standout quarterback to switch to defensive end. They were asking a kid that played safety to play safety.

Brett Favre, as he usually does, had other ideas. He told them he wanted to play quarterback and refused to play safety. Southern Miss could have done the world a huge favor and told him that they wanted him to play safety and that he could go to one of the other schools that offered him a scholarship to play football. If you’ve been reading, you’ll know that there were no others. Unfortunately, as has become traditional, Brett Favre got what he wanted.

Nope. I'm staying here until I'm the quarterback. Sorry.

Nope. I'm staying here until I'm the quarterback. Sorry.

Brett was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons after a good college career, but coach Jerry Glanville wasn’t thrilled with the decision, declaring that it would “take a plane crash” for him to put Favre in the game. Even though no planes carrying teammates fell from the sky during the 1991 season, Brett got the opportunity to throw 4 passes. The first NFL pass of his career was a pick-six.

He was shipped to Green Bay, where he got to play lots of quarterback, and all was well for oh, about 13 of his 16 years there.

When Don “Majik Man” Majikowski went down with an ankle injury in 1992, Brett took over. His performance was bad enough in the first game that the hometown crowd actually wanted Ty Detmer put into the game. Consider that for a moment, football fans. Someone was bad enough that Ty Detmer was considered a better option. I’m sure at some point, the coach probably told Brett that he was going to sit for the rest of the game in favor of Detmer, but Favre folded his arms and sat down at midfield, refusing to come off the field until being told he would get to play some more.

Brett Favre has managed to start every game of his career since then. Pretty admirable for a guy that had a chunk of his small intestines removed after a car accident and who was diagnosed with the same career ending condition that Bo Jackson had.

Favre kept making playoff appearances and winning awards and developing an addiction to painkillers. Wait, that last part wasn’t so positive, was it? Normally when professional athletes have drug related seizures and go into rehab, it is a frowned upon behavior. However, Brett Favre rides a tractor in the off season, and shucks, he’s just a good ‘ol country boy like us so it was good that he admitted it and got help for himself. Excuse me while I vomit.

Brett Favre's rehab roomie?

Brett Favre's rehab roomie?

Green Bay kept making playoff appearances (including a Superbowl win), Favre kept winning MVPs, and you’d think that Brett Favre was living a life that was a combination of a Norman Rockwell painting, a “Once Upon A Time..” storybook, and every eight year old’s dream. Until 2001.

In 2001, Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers came to terms on a “lifetime” contract – essentially a 10 year, $100 million deal. In the season finale against the New York Giants, Brett came under criticism for allowing his good friend Micheal Strahan to sack him, giving Strahan the all time single season sack record in the NFL. Nice integrity on the field, huh?

In 2004, Favre suffered a concussion against the New York Giants. Ignoring the medical advice of, say, every doctor in the world, Brett Favre once again refused to come out of the game. Feeling it was better to risk permanent neurological damage as opposed to letting somebody else get paid for playing football, Favre remained in and threw a touchdown pass to Javon Walker that he doesn’t remember. Good decision.

In 2005, the Green Bay packers did the unthinkable – they drafted quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Somewhere, I’m sure Brett Favre pitched an unholy fit at the thought of somebody else drawing a paycheck to throw passes for the Green Bay Packers, even in practice or on Madden games. However, in a rare display of not giving Brett Favre what he wants, Aaron Rodgers was not taken behind Lambeau Stadium and executed like Old Yeller.

This is the play where you keep sitting on the bench lolz

This is the play where you keep sitting on the bench lolz

In 2005, Favre “led” the league with 29 interceptions and a career worst passer rating. Speculation began to run rampant that with a young quarterback on the bench behind him and his play taking a drastic downturn, the 2006 season would be his last. Adding fuel to that fire was the fact that Brett Favre repeatedly said that he didn’t know if he wanted to come back for the 2006 season.

Guess what? He did. But he wouldn’t commit to anything beyond 2006. He might want to play again, but he might not. He’d let the Packers know just in time for them to not be able to make any plans for the future of the team.

The off-season between ’06 and ’07 would see more debate on whether or not Brett would return. Having set a ton of records in the ’06 season, and with Aaron Rodgers seemingly ready to take over for Favre after being drafted 3 years prior, it seemed like the fitting end to a career.

Only Brett Favre wanted to keep playing. And play he did, leading the Packers to the NFC Championship before losing to eventual champion New York Giants. He then promised to make a decision regarding his future “more quickly” than in years past.

I quit. No, really.

I quit. No, really.

Two months later, on March 4, 2008, Brett Favre officially retired. Then changed his mind and called the Packers about coming back. The Green Bay Packers developed a backbone, and told Favre that he could come back, but he was going to have to compete for the starting job with Aaron Rodgers, just like every other player in the NFL has to do.

Brett Favre is Brett Favre, though, and Brett Favre doesn’t compete for things. They’re given to him. Well, except this time. Pouting about competing for a starting job, Favre asked for an unconditional release (hey, remember that lifetime contract?). Packers GM Ted Thompson said, “No”, and then whacked Favre on the nose with a rolled up newspaper for being a bad boy.

I meant "retire" for the offseason, see?

I meant "retire" for the offseason, see?

Despite stating that he would make his decision “more quickly”, he told Fox News that he felt pressured by the Packers for a quick decision regarding retirement, and that’s why he wasn’t completely sure about it. He finally reported to camp with the Packers, and was told that he could still wear green.

Only with the New York Jets.

By week 12, Favre was making Green Bay look stupid, compiling an 8-3 record with his new team. Then, despite having a torn biceps tendon in his throwing arm, Favre continued to play. Never considering that it may be better to let someone healthy throw the ball, Favre led the New York Jets right out of the AFC playoffs.

IT HURTS SO BAD but not bad enough to let Kellen Clemens play.

IT HURTS SO BAD but not bad enough to let Kellen Clemens play.

Subsequently, he informed Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum that it “may be time to look in a different direction” at the quarterback position. Shortly after, Brett Favre retired. Again.

Ok, I'm done.

Ok, I'm done.

By June of 2009, Favre was starting his own rumors that he would indeed play football for the Minnesota Vikings after having his arm arthroscopically repaired. But then in July he said that no, he was going to stay retired. Then in August, he decided that he wanted to play football, after all. Two weeks into the preseason. After skipping all of training camp. Costing John David Booty, who actually went to training camp, a roster spot.

Suck it, teams that wear green. I've got ANOTHER secondary color now!

Suck it, teams that wear green. I've got ANOTHER secondary color now!

Things, as they usually do, went well for Favre in the early part of the season, as the Vikings went 10-1 to start the season. Things then, as they usually do, started to go south. Minnesota has lost 3 of their last 4 to go from contending for home field advantage in the playoffs to probably losing their first round bye altogether.

In the process, Favre has openly argued with Coach Brad Childress (whom Favre never addresses as “Coach Childress” but simply as “Brad”) regarding offensive play calling. Childress also made the foolish mistake of trying to bench Favre against the Carolina Panthers in a game that saw Julius Peppers and other Panthers defensive players sack Favre roughly 17 times in one half. Favre steadfastly refused to come out of the game, stripping any illusion of authority from Childress. That example to the younger players should pay off well in seasons to come.

Favre is an all time great in the realm of NFL quarterbacks, there’s no disputing that. He’s a tough guy, a great quarterback that owns about 3/4 of the record book, and helps young players grow.

As the title of this article states, though, he’s also a world class jerk.

You smug bastard.

You smug bastard.