#holycrap: The opening recap video is NOT about John Cena??? Instead it focuses on the men involved in the WWE Title picture??? I mean yeah AJ is featured prominently in it, because she’s the center of this love square, but still, this is a major step up. Did you think Vince suddenly remembered there are other wrestlers in the company besides Cena? By the way, when there are 4 people involved is it really a love square? A love rectangle? What about a love rhombus? If you thought AJ was merely confused and only slightly wacked, her ‘confession’ before the opening credits will probably change your mind. Speaking of the opening crawl, Punk, the WWE Champ, is still only featured in it twice, less then Cena, Del Rio and Orton.
#exes: So if Vickie is the weekly GM, does that mean next week it’ll be a face and so on? I actually wouldn’t mind if Vickie was made the permanent GM. She’s a great heel who can draw massive heat with two simple words, but isn’t over-the-top like Johnny. She might not overtly try to screw over faces, but is more subtle. Well at least in WWE terms. Her first act is to make a Triple Threat Elimination Match between Bryan, Kane and Punk, which appears to not be for the title. You can be sure Kane will be the first one eliminated, probably because of AJ, leaving the two mat wizards to duke it out. There was a spot where it looked like Punk was going for the Sharpshooter on Bryan, but turned it into the surfboard submission The Yes Man has used a few times. Bryan’s bad luck continues when he’s caught in mid-air by Kane and spinebusted onto the outside barricade. AJ indeed costs Kane yet again and capitalizes, hitting the GTS for the pin. Ever the opportunist, Bryan sneaks in with a vicious kick to Punk’s head to pick up the victory.
#affirmative: I know it’s not really a catchphrase, but Bryan’s ‘Yes!’ chant is the most popular in the WWE right now. I don’t know how he started using it, but it’s taken on a life of its own. It’s simple and effective and couldn’t be replaced with aye, fine, surely or true which all roughly mean the same thing. He’s so massively over as a face with the crowd, at least the older males, but WWE seems intent on keeping him heel, kinda of like what ROH is doing with Kevin Steen.
#bigdropoff: So Big Show goes from main eventing PPVs with Cena to facing Brodus Clay? On one hand, it’s a prime opportunity for Clay to show he’s more then a novelty act. However, when he dances with the Funkadactyls before and after every match, it’s hard to take him seriously. The only good part of this short match was when it looked like Clay was going to powerslam Show. Instead he buckled under the weight and allowed Show to fall on top of him for the win.
#brillant: I don’t normally mention backstage segments but the one between AJ and Kane just has to be covered. When Kane said he’s ‘not exactly boyfriend material’, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. His ‘I’m a monster. I wear a mask’ line was incredibly funny, if only because AJ looked so confused. Her laughing maniacally after Kane left only thickens the plot.
#holycraps: Santino defending the US Title??? It’s as if Creative realized he hadn’t done so in forever and they needed to fulfill the 30 day rule or something. They only gave it like 2 or 3 minutes, so now they can move on to more important things, he s
#earthshattering: At least that’s what Cena’s ‘announcement will be after it’s been hyped since the beginning of the show. He starts this extended and convoluted analogy comparing Laurinaitis’s reign as GM to that of Palpatine from Star Wars, complete with references to Show Vader, John Cenawalker, Yoda McMahon and Jabba The Funkasaurus. I was about to stab myself in the eye with a steak knife when the lights went out and the walls broke down, signalling the return of Chris Jericho! So Cena’s world changing and historic announcement is that he’ll be entering the MITB match for the first time ever? Oh for the love of all things sacred do not have Cena win MITB! Please? Jericho fires back that he invented the match way back in 2005, has been in more ladder matches then anyone and sells the gruesome and unforgiving nature of the match itself before throwing his hat into the proverbial ring as the 3rd contestant. Not so fast as GM Vickie comes out to announce that there will be not one, but two MITB matches and no one can enter themselves. The WWE Title one will contain former champs Kane, Show, Jericho and Cena. Only 4 guys? That seems like an awfully small match. Does this mean the WHC one will be the same? Or that it will feature guys who have never held the WHC?
#timewarp: So the former WWE star that Heath Slater gets to job to this week is Sycho Sid. At least Slater is a good enough heel jobber where he can draw his own heat, even if it people’s booing him just so he’ll stop talking.
#pairofaces: So both Del Rio and Ziggler think they should be the #1 contender to the WHC and Vickie puts them in a match against each other to determine just that. It’s actually exciting and should feature some good wreslting. But then she makes it a Contract On A Pole match and I lose all interest. I mean of all the lame gimmick matches she could’ve come up with, it has to be this one? I may be wrong but the last time there was one of these on RAW was when Miz dressed as The Calgary Kid to beat Eugene after he had gotten fired. As if this match wasn’t a gigantic middle finger to the fans, Sheamus comes out during it to say that it’ll be a Triple Threat on Smackdown. Well then what was the point of putting on this match at all?
#atlast: Now this is main event. Cena vs Jericho could be a pretty good match with Y2J’s excellent in ring ability and Cena’s merely average one. Oddly, they cut to commercial like a minute into it. This gives Cole the opportunity to talk about all the things that have happened so far when the show returns. Instead of talking about the actual match of course. The match has the typical Cena comeback mixed in with each guy slipping out of the others’ finisher. Suddenly, Show comes out, which Jericho uses to get Cena in the Walls of Jericho again. However, slides into the ring and drops a leg across Cena to cause the DQ. Jericho was obviously not pleased, but after a brief staredown that served as a Jeri-Show reunion, he leaves Cena to get mauled by Show to close out the show.