For the past year, I’ve written a series of articles to bring my brand of humor and analysis to the GuysNation readers by putting my focus on WWE wrestling events. A week ago I tried it on the BOOSTER edition of Smallville, and it was enjoyed enough that I’m going to do it again with tonight’s episode.
Our Smallville flashback lets us know that this episode is going to include something to do with the Phantom Zone and the Darkseid… I mean Darkside.
We start in Metropolis, where Clark and Lois are moving into their new apartment. White Snake fans just started to like this show a little bit more with Lois’ love of the 80′s Hair Band.
For the first time in television history, a guy wants to clean up and his lady love tells him to procrastinate.
Someone escaped from the Phantom Zone? I guess part of this episode will center around sending Slade back, and the other part dealing with finding out how he got out.
Tess now somehow knows a lot about high tech science experiments?
Oliver wants to go with Clark to the Phantom Zone to figure things out… apparently it’s not a place for humans so he’s going by himself, and so they hook him up with a Dick Tracy watch to allow him to communicate.
Did Tess and Clark really think Oliver was going to just sit back on the sidelines and NOT go to the Phantom Zone? He showed up and was adamant about going, and a simple “you’re human, thus not going” was going to dissuade him? They should’ve known he was going to make the trip.
Commercial reality check: If those people had a computer soooo old that a criminal wouldn’t want to take it (a criminal, mind you, who took all of their furniture in addition to the electronics), there’s no way that they got their wedding video on there. Are you telling me that they had a really old computer but they upgraded it with enough hard disk space to hold video? Doubtful.
Clark gets mad at Oliver for coming with him, and Oliver yells at Clark… for not trusting his friends? Okay, so Oliver’s the one who lied AND he didn’t trust Clark about it not being safe for humans. Hypocrite? Green Arrow needs a mirror…
So this part of the Phantom Zone looks different than what we last saw of it… this time it looks more like a black Fortress of Solitude.
Tess has some serious technology skills, ’cause the Dick Tracy watch she gave him is working. Why is it that she seems more believable as a tech-savvy babe with those glasses on? Very interested to see where Cassidy Freeman goes after Smallville ends.
Zod is apparently King of the Phantoms, and he gets some kneeling action out of Clark and Oliver right from the start… which must feel like a huge win for him, as that’s the only thing I’ve ever heard him actually want.
I don’t care who the guy behind Clark is, but the woman behind Oliver… Ursa?
Commercial time: anyone else want to see the look on the faces of the folks at DC when they see a Thor commercial from their rival Marvel in the middle of the show? Maybe they don’t care and money is money, but I would’ve charged extra.
One Phantom Zone, Two Zods. Clark says he defeated both Zods in the past… and I’m not sure I know what the first time was. When Clark stopped the portal from opening a couple season ago, are they counting that?
Zod likens he and Clark to Cain and Abel, saying they’re brothers and asks Clark which one he wants to be. Zod gets the answer he was looking for, as Clark says he’s not willing to murder anyone.
Smallville then goes Gladiator, and with Clark using a shield to not only protect himself but also fight the gladiator, it actually reminds me quite a bit of Captain America.
This goes really old school Rome as the crowd chants for death and Clark declines… so Zod stabs the gladiator.
Has there been more blood in this episode already than almost all of the other episodes combined? What if we exclude the Doomsday episodes?
Tess is having trouble hacking back into the Phantom Zone… and maybe if she put back on the glasses she’d have more success. Lois thinks it’s because Tess hasn’t checked “the crystal laser thingy”, and I think we should be super disappointed in her that she didn’t even consider checking that from the beginning.
Lois finds a countdown to destruction timer and she freaks out because Tess setup something to destroy the crystal… but we’re the ones who should be upset because the timer says it has over 2 hours left, and this show is only an hour long in its entirety…
Right, I realize that doesn’t matter.
Commercial time
Clark thinks he has a way to figure out the situation for he and Oliver, and that’s music to the ears of Green Lantern, because he already acknowledged that the “fly around the world to turn back time” option isn’t going to work. Nice call back to Superman I.
Apparently Darkseid came to the Phantom Zone looking for Zod and offered him rule of the Phantom Zone if he took out Clark. Zod then goes about trying to recruit Oliver for Darkseid. Zod lets Oliver know that he’s a marked man and starts planting seeds of doubt in Green Arrow’s head about what side he should be on. Zod again plays the brother card, this time telling Oliver that THEY can be brothers… and me thinks Zod was an only child.
Next up in the Phantom Zone Arena… Clark vs Oliver
Hey, look at that, Clark’s wearing a red cape.
Commercial time yet again.
The battle rages, and Oliver… stabs Clark through the chest?! Apparently Zod doesn’t want Oliver to be the one to end things for Clark.
They planned this all along, and with Zod distracted, Clark gets the crystal, opens the portal and crushes the crystal… sending themselves back to Earth and ending the possibility of a return.
In yet another flash back to Superman I, we see Zod floating off into space as the Phantom Zone square flips away into the far nothingness of the universe.
Oliver’s worried about what happens if Clark finds out he’s infected with the darkness, and Clark basically confirms his fears by saying they’d need to be locked up. That’ll definitely be a factor at some point in the next three hours of Smallville footage.
So Lois wanders around the apartment in only a shirt… the windows open… and she’s a little surprised when Clark shows back up?
Apparently he was gone for three weeks worth of real world time… and Clark is surprised that Lois “waited” for him? Really? He thinks that little about her feelings for him?
At least we got a Martian Manhunter reference in the exchange.
Lois isn’t happy that Clark decided to go on a potential suicide mission without telling her, and she says that next time she wants to go with him.
Apparently he showed up just in time, days until his wedding day… and Lois didn’t postpone anything. Clark says that nothing can stop him from walking down the isle… and I’ll consider that to be foreshadowing.
New mission for Green Arrow: Oliver is going to be tracking down some weapon that’ll let he and Clark defeat Darkseid. Hawkman does fit into the story in a key role, as he’s the one who told Oliver that such a weapon existed, and I’m glad his involvement isn’t being trivialized.
