#tonight: How much worse is the new intro song? Do I even need to tell you? You already know? Ok on to wrestling then. Actually before I get to that, I happened to come across a link to a WWE montage of people going through tables that is over 9 minutes long. You have to see its awesomeness for yourself.

#coldopen: It’s very rare that WWE goes with a cold open straight to a match without an in ring promo beforehand. It’s not so rare that it’s The Champ CM Punk in the opening contest. Really Cole? Punk’s in the ‘spotlight’ like he wants, by being in the opening match? I thought that meant being in the main event all the time. Isn’t that what he was ranting about a few weeks ago? He takes on The Big Slow in a purported Summerslam preview. Punk makes a bad tactical decision early on by going blow for blow with Big Slow and gets beat around the ring for a bit. If he was smart, and Creative was booking this logically, he’d be aiming for the legs and using various submission to wear the big man down. Show hits a Spear that looks like it was in slow motion before Mr No comes out, which of course sends the crowd into Yes mode. Bryan being the great heel that he is, starts flipping out yelling No, ripping up fan signs and arguing with Lawler while the match continues. Apparently fed up he’s not in the Title match, Bryan attacks Punk causing the DQ and then puts him in The LaBell/Yes/No Lock. Cena runs out to even the odds and I’m getting that sick feeling in my stomach that Teddy will come out to make a tag match. Instead it’s AJ who makes the tag match, to absolutely no one’s surprise.

#screentime: Alex Riley magically appeared on RAW last week and this week it’s JTG, who also hasn’t been on either main show in forever and is now sporting traditional wrestling trunks. His welcome back present? To get fed to Ryback who demolishes him in the usual style. Classic WWE punishing those who speak out against them.

#movingonup: So Heath Slater’s been getting squashed by Legends lately. Does the fact that he lasted longer then usual against R Truth and still lost mean anything? Will he next lose to Kofi in 3 minutes?

#horrid: That’s one word I can use to describe the Cara-Tensai matchup. First of all Cara beat him in about a minute, like that’s believable. The whole match was overly choreographed with Tensai clearly waiting for Cara to do his moves. Both men have been failures as far as living up to their hype.

#hotrod: Anytime Rowdy Roddy Piper hosts Piper’s Pit it’s usually a good thing, but WWE had to mess it up by having his guest determined by fan vote of Jericho, Ziggler or Miz. Y2J obviously wins but Ziggler and Miz predictably make appearances to talk about their greatness. The segment itself was entertaining and built hype for Jericho-Ziggler, but why was Miz even involved? Was he thrown in their because he has nothing going for him right now? Not even a Summerslam match for that matter. At least Santino’s defending the US Title on the pre-show against Antonio Cesaro, who I’m really hoping ends the travesty that is Santino’s reign.

#toosoon: I spoke too soon as coming back from the break, we learn AJ has booked Jericho-Ziggler-Miz in a non-title Triple Threat and that Miz will defend the IC Title against Rey Mysterio at Summerslam. Miz-Rey has potential to be a pretty good feud, the end result of which would hopefully be the veteran Mysterio helping put over Miz. The match right now was very good with plenty of action and spots from each man. A fast paced ending sequence saw Ziggler sneak in with a Zig Zag on Jericho for the pin. This suggests that Jericho will win on Sunday to even the score, but on another hand, Ziggler constantly egging on Jericho for not winning ‘the big one’ is very similar to Cody Rhodes constantly highlighting Show’s Wrestlemania failures. Show triumphed in that one, so something to think about.

#foreshadowing: When used properly in a literary work, foreshadowing can be very useful, but WWE seems to be overdoing it here. Throughout the night, there have been backstage segments of Shawn Michaels waiting for HHH to arrive. The fact that HBK is acting all spooked and that Hunter isn’t there to begin with heavily suggest that Lesnar will somehow confront Shawn before H gets there. They even go further overboard by showing a shot of the garage where Hunter will presumably show up. This was all packed around the usual bland Divas match and another excellent Wade Barrett hype video.

#overshadowed: The Teddy Long Special is up next which means the HHH-Lesnar contract signing will be the ‘main event’. Even more evidence where the company’s priorities lay. The match itself was pretty standard as to what you’d expect right before a PPV. Bryan being the odd man out of the Title hunt, he’s the one who looks weak after taking the pin from Cena. He did play his role well, blind tagging himself in enough to the point where Show just took himself out of the match. Punk and Cena were trying to one up each other as well, and Punk even attempted a Five Knuckle Shuffle before Cena got a blind tag of his own. Cena then proceeded to a high knee into a bulldog to return the favor. The Strange Bedfellows theme was the focal point of the match not the the match itself.

#comedown: A short match is needed to bridge the tag match and the contract signing and that task falls to Damien Sandow and Christian. I know WWE is high on Sandow right now, but having him beat Captain Charisma in like 2 minutes despite a distraction from Brodus Clay seems questionable. I mean how low can Christian go?

#cleanending: In the words of CM Punk, this contract signing will probably end ‘…in some horrible, physical calamity.’ Hopefully something goes through the table. They should have more of Paul Heyman. The guy is a genius when it comes to drawing heat. He insults H, Michaels, the crowd, pretty much everyone when introducing his client, Brrrrock Lesssssnar. Heyman successfully goads Shawn out into the ring by himself but not before HHH makes his ‘late’ arrival. Both he and Brock stare at each other while they sign the contract and that it’s. Well I guess you’ll have to settle for the montage I linked to at the top for the table smashing.

#coldending: In addition to the cold open this RAW doesn’t end in the ring like usual but in the backstage area. After talking with HHH, Michaels pulls the worst horror movie cliche and goes off on his own. Normally this would mean the end of the character in said horror movie, but it does end badly for Shawn. Lesnar attacks him as he’s getting into his car. Someone bumps the cameraman, because the screen goes black and all we hear is Heyman and Lesnar talking trash as the beating presumably continues. A commercial break is needed to reset and allow Lesnar to drag Michaels to the ring where he ‘breaks’ his arm while H watches from the ramp. H chases off Lesnar who smirks as the show goes off the air. Well they accomplished Brock-beats-up-HBK-to-get-heat objective.